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Quotes

2024-12-31T20:06:24Z

Fremath: type removed

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
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When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or
compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Because of their ignorance, sentient beings do not know the right methods by which they can fulfill their aims. It is the responsibility of those who are equipped with this knowledge to fulfill the intention of working for their benefit. -- His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from Path to Bliss: A Practical Guide to Stages of Meditation, published by Snow Lion Publications.

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose. In our reaction lies our growth and freedom -- Victor Frankl

----

Tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner. -- French proverb (meaning, To understand all is to forgive all.)
----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. - meaning, they condemn what they don't understand. -- Latin proverb

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T20:04:54Z

Fremath: order correction

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Because of their ignorance, sentient beings do not know the right methods by which they can fulfill their aims. It is the responsibility of those who are equipped with this knowledge to fulfill the intention of working for their benefit. -- His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from Path to Bliss: A Practical Guide to Stages of Meditation, published by Snow Lion Publications.

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose. In our reaction lies our growth and freedom -- Victor Frankl

----

Tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner. -- French proverb (meaning, To understand all is to forgive all.)
----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. - meaning, they condemn what they don't understand. -- Latin proverb

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T20:01:30Z

Fremath: order correction

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Because of their ignorance, sentient beings do not know the right methods by which they can fulfill their aims. It is the responsibility of those who are equipped with this knowledge to fulfill the intention of working for their benefit. -- His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from Path to Bliss: A Practical Guide to Stages of Meditation, published by Snow Lion Publications.

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose. In our reaction lies our growth and freedom -- Victor Frankl

----

Tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner. -- French proverb (meaning, To understand all is to forgive all.)
----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. - meaning, they condemn what they don't understand. -- Latin proverb

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

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All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

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All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

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Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

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Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

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Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

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Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

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Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

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Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

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I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

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I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

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I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

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If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

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If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

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In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

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Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

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It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

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It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

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Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

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NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

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NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

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Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

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Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

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Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

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Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

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Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

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The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

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The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

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The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

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This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

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Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

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We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

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We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

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We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

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We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

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What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

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When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

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When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

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When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

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When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

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With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

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You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

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There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

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You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

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Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

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[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

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Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

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O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

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Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

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As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

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All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

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I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

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You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

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As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

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When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

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Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

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Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

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Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

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Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

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When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

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There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

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The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

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Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

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Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

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Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

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Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

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I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

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NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

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If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

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An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T19:57:13Z

Fremath: remove extra blank line, a typo

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Because of their ignorance, sentient beings do not know the right methods by which they can fulfill their aims. It is the responsibility of those who are equipped with this knowledge to fulfill the intention of working for their benefit. -- His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from Path to Bliss: A Practical Guide to Stages of Meditation, published by Snow Lion Publications.

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose. In our reaction lies our growth and freedom -- Victor Frankl

----

Tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner. -- French proverb (meaning, To understand all is to forgive all.)

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. - meaning, they condemn what they don't understand. -- Latin proverb

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T19:54:19Z

Fremath: HH the Dalai Lama, 'because of their ignorance ...'

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Because of their ignorance, sentient beings do not know the right methods by which they can fulfill their aims. It is the responsibility of those who are equipped with this knowledge to fulfill the intention of working for their benefit. -- His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from Path to Bliss: A Practical Guide to Stages of Meditation, published by Snow Lion Publications.

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose. In our reaction lies our growth and freedom -- Victor Frankl

----

Tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner. -- French proverb (meaning, To understand all is to forgive all.)

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. - meaning, they condemn what they don't understand. -- Latin proverb

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T19:15:34Z

Fremath: French proverb. To understand all is to forgive all.

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose. In our reaction lies our growth and freedom -- Victor Frankl

----

Tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner. -- French proverb (meaning, To understand all is to forgive all.)

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. - meaning, they condemn what they don't understand. -- Latin proverb

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T19:11:05Z

Fremath: Frankl ' between stimulus and response'

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose. In our reaction lies our growth and freedom -- Victor Frankl

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. - meaning, they condemn what they don't understand. -- Latin proverb

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T19:05:37Z

Fremath: latin proverb, They condemn what they don't understand

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. - meaning, they condemn what they don't understand. -- Latin proverb

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T18:49:06Z

Fremath:

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? -- Lao Tse

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

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[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T18:46:19Z

Fremath: Lao Te

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness. -- Lao Tse

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2024-12-31T18:31:11Z

Fremath:

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

War is merely the continuation of policy by other means. -- Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian military theorist

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2022-10-16T12:33:53Z

Fremath: /* NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements */ - pg wodehouse on advice

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. -- P G Wodehouse

----

I always advise people never to give advice. -- P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2022-10-16T11:56:37Z

Fremath: /* NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements */ pg wodehouse quote on giving ==> happiness

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or

compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

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NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

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Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

“As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.” - P G Wodehouse

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2022-08-03T06:39:32Z

Fremath: Rousseau's 'Four sides to a story'

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or
compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened. -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2022-07-24T11:16:04Z

Fremath: /* NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements */

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or
compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

Cruel though it may sound, we must see to it that the patient’s suffering, to a degree that is in some way or other effective, does not come to an end prematurely. If, owing to the symptoms having been taken apart and having lost their value, his suffering becomes mitigated, we must reinstate it elsewhere in the form of some appreciable privation; otherwise we run the danger of never achieving any improvements except quite insignificant and transitory ones. -- Sigmund Freud, 1919 paper “Lines of Advance in Psychoanalytic Therapy” page 163 of volume XVII in the standard edition

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2021-02-14T11:30:39Z

Fremath:

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or
compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source] / summary of chapter 7 'Receiving Empathically, 'a Language of Life', 2nd edition.

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2020-07-25T11:06:22Z

Fremath: presumed typo: changed 'our' to 'their'; 'our' doesn't make sense in the context

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or
compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
their needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2017-01-19T19:44:40Z

Fremath: 'vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy'

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or
compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
our needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain. -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 'Killing People is too Superficial' from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Stay with us

2016-10-10T08:33:19Z

Fremath: correct type

<pre>
STAY WITH US

You
Leave
Our company when you speak
Of Shame.

And this makes
Everyone in the Tavern sad.

Stay with us
As we do the hardest work of rarely
Laying down
That pick and Shovel

That will keep
Revealing our deeper kinship
With God,

That will keep revealing
Our own divine
Worth.

You leave the company of the Beloved's friends
Whenever you speak of
Guilt,

And this makes Everyone in the Tavern
Very Sad.

Stay with us tonight
As we weave love

And reveal ourselve,
Reveal ourselves

As His precious
Garments.

</pre>

Quotes

2016-10-08T11:51:08Z

Fremath: african proverb, and a repair to formatting

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==
----

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or
compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
our needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

----

In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

----

We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

----

...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

----

Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

----

A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Talk:Main Page

2013-11-22T19:09:32Z

Fremath:

=NVCwiki Change=
==Celebrations==
===John Wiley===
I'm so richly appreciating all that this wiki has brought to the global NVC community! Markus, your contributions in particular fill me with joyful celebration of how much my needs for community and connection have been supported by your work here. I'm also celebrating the freedom I'm guessing this shift in your focus can bring you, for exploring new ways to meet the needs alive in you. Hurray!--[[User:Jw4nvc|John W.]] 03:17, 12 May 2007 (CEST)
==Mournings==
==Discussion==
===CNVC Wiki?===
I've just contacted William Poehner, leader of the CNVC's IT Committee, asking if he'd like to see us move the official and semi-official parts of this wiki onto a CNVC server. I'm wondering if this could help to reduce the workload of anyone willing to consider taking on the operation of this wiki.

As you may know, CNVC is about to release a completely revised website on cnvc.org that will provide some capabilities similar to wiki. The new site is built on an open source product named Drupal. I find that it still lacks some collaborative document tools provided by the open source MediaWiki product used here, but it's possible that could change in the near future.

Some of my main needs related to CNVC's use of a wiki are for ease of providing public information, encouraging public participation, supporting connection and dialog in the global NVC community, and technical capabilities that support multiple language access and translation.

I'd appreciate any comments that any of you might like to share about the strategy of moving some or all of the CNVC content here to a CNVC wiki and/or the new Drupal cnvc.org website when it's released in the next month or two.--[[User:Jw4nvc|John W.]] 03:17, 12 May 2007 (CEST)

----
I think the workload is independent of the amount of pages, or if cnvc shares their informations on it. As long we will not find somebody i will continue doing it. After disabling entering content for anonymous users, the workload reduced to nearly zero for the moment.

I would enjoy that the content of cnvc remain on the page, so its more interesting to visit nvcwiki :-)
[[User:Markus Pakki|Markus Pallo]] 05 June 2007
=== Copyleft spirit ? ===

I share with you John all the points you mentioned here. Yesterday I went for the day, from Bordeaux to Paris (France), for the general assembly of the ACNV (French association for NVC). Two years ago, on the same occasion I had suggested the use of a wiki, and it wasn't a success. Yesterday it finally became obvious it could help NVC by the means you described. Since a few weeks the french part of this wiki finally took off. For example the [[:fr:Rhône-Alpes]] region (where Marshall is due to come 8/11 septembre 2007), is becoming very active.

So I'd love the synergy started here to keep on growing. However, I wonder how we could benefit not using any more MediaWiki, the tool used by the world's most commonly used wiki ? Wikipedia !

Another question is bothering me. What I love about the wiki spirit is the copyleft spirit. And when I see, the difficulties met by the project of releasing an NVC DVD protected by copyleft (via BitTorrent technology for example), I wonder if a CNVC Wiki would keep the copyleft spirit we discovered with this NVCWiki.

Warmly, --[[User:Dieudo|Dieudonné]] 12:03, 13 May 2007 (CEST)

== Please help save Wikipedia NVC article ==
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_communication has been marked for possible deletion, unless notability is established. Can someone who knows more about NVC please save that article? [[User:Okapi|Okapi]] 10:17, 18 May 2007 (CEST)

Thank you for this warning !

I happen to have started this article in both french and english, and as I don't speak english fluently enough, Godfrey Spencer was of great help to give me this short definition of NVC Marshall once gave :

Definition of '''Nonviolent Communication''' by Marshall B. Rosenberg - Lausanne, Suisse sept. 2003

"Language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things:

- to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life.

- to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural.

- to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving."

French translation of NVC: [http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communication_NonViolente Communication NonViolente] by Godfrey Spencer and Anne Bourrit.

I don't know why it has been withdrawn, but I would love it if native english speakers would try to improve this article in order to remain a wikipedian article.

--[[User:Dieudo|Dieudonné]] 11:12, 18 May 2007 (CEST)

The page is no longer marked for deletion. I will remove this section in the next few weeks... --[[User:John Abbe|John Abbe]] 21:18, 9 June 2007 (CEST)

: Fine by me, although it is a bit unexpected when you come from Wikipedia, where it would be considered disrespectful to delete other people's talk page contributions. [[User:Okapi|Okapi]] 23:13, 17 June 2007 (CEST)

== Making this main page more inviting ==
Currently, the main page is nice for finding resources, but it is quite impersonal. It shows no way to connect with the people here. One of the ways to do that would be a reference desk or help desk where people can ask other people questions. (Wikipedia e.g. has several, which contribute significanly to the life of that website.) How about something like that here? In analogy to Wikipedia's shortcut "WP:?", I'll create a page named [[?]] and write my question there. Please feel free to move the question anywhere you see fit. If you like the idea of the [[?]] page then it would be nice if someone with the right permission could add that to the main page. It would be very helpful if people who are interested in answering general NVC related question would add the [[?]] to their watchlist. [[User:Okapi|Okapi]] 23:13, 17 June 2007 (CEST)

: Is anybody listening? I find it frustrating when I say "hello" to a small group of people and nobody replies. Are you really open to the public or is this a closed group that just happens to use the wiki engine? I came here to help, but I won't impose on a group that prefers to remain among themselves. [[User:Okapi|Okapi]] 04:15, 23 June 2007 (CEST)

Hello :) 
Disappointing to have discovered this site, created an inviting new place for people to connect, and now you're excited to see more lively responses?

I hope that hasty "empathy" helps at least a little, because I appreciate everyone who has helped to create community on this site. I used to check in here much more often, and posted more content in the past too. Right now I'm distracted by lots of other things, and most of my web creativity is going into the upcoming cnvc.org website. The ITC (see the two links under "Projects using..." on the [[Main Page]] for more info than you might have time for), has been working on this and several related projects for a while.

Anyway, in answer to your question my impression is that the live dialog online in the NVC community is somewhat limited (maybe because giraffes tend to focus on in-person or at least telephone dialog?). What dialog there is online seems to be in a couple of yahoo groups right now. My fervent hope is that sometime soon the new website will have features to support moving the dialog there and adding many new topics and participants. Yes, my understanding is that this wiki is open to everyone for reading and to those willing to register for posting. So my belief is that people here do welcome everyone, are an "open group," and might tend to focus on their particular interests rather than general dialog.

I hope this helps answer your questions, and that you and anyone else reading this might consider accepting my [[Invitation]] by clicking on the [[Invitation|link]]. 
[[User:Jw4nvc|John W.]]

: Thank you for your nice reply and your invitation. Since I have seen all of this and more created on the web with a wiki such as this, I am wondering why you aren't doing that already here. Of course, you can do some things better with a dedicated system, but I believe the life of a website comes from its people, not from its technology. If I may be blunt, I feel reminded of some people who buy the latest sports equipment before they really use the equipment they already have. [[User:Okapi|Okapi]] 00:42, 24 June 2007 (CEST)

== definitions? ==

Somebody asked on a mailing-list 'how do you giraffe dance, what is giraffe/nvc dance?'. I would like to post my reply here, in the spirit of contribution. How about a link on the front page for 'definitions' or similar? Or a suggestion where it might fit, anybody? - cheers, Jonathan Cowan

here is my answer, in case anybody is moved to put it up somewhere:

Q. Giraffe dance.. I have heard this during my studies but I never read anything that describes the steps of this giraffe dance. I need more understanding on this [..]

A. If your first request elicits a 'no', see if the other can come up with
another request or strategy which takes account of both your needs. If
this counter-request does not meet some need of yours, go back with a
counter-counter-request to address all the needs presenting this time.
Repeat this cycle until all needs are addressed, and you've arrived at
a successful strategy - 'where everybody's needs are met'.

The 'dancing' is like negotiating (in the meaning of moving through) the
problem space together, as if you were on a dance floor, with that kind
of physical coordination and cooperation involved.

Talk:Main Page

2013-11-22T19:08:30Z

Fremath: /* definitions? */ new section

Talk:Main Page

2013-11-22T19:08:21Z

Fremath: /* definitions? */ new section

Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting

2010-09-14T09:48:53Z

Fremath: retaining line breaks (formatting)

<pre>
A student comes to Me-ti and says: "I want to participate in the
class struggle. How shall I fight?"

The old man laughs and asks: "Do you sit well?"

"I don't know", says Tu astonished, "how else should I sit?"

Me-ti explains to him. "But", says Tu impatiently, "I did not come to
learn to sit".

"I know", says Me-ti patiently, "you want to fight, but in order to
do so, you must learn to sit well, because just now we are sitting
and while sitting we will learn".

Tu replies, "If you always try to take the most comfortable position
and try to make the best of a given situation, in short, if you
always search for pleasure, how can you fight?"

Me-ti answers: "If you don't strive for pleasure, if you don't want
to make the best of a situation and take the most comfortable
position, why should you want to fight?"
</pre>

Stories

2010-09-14T09:46:49Z

Fremath:

This page contains a collection of stories that people use for [[remembering|rememberings]] or that somehow illustrate specific aspects of [[NVC]].

* A [[Leaves of Grass|Poem]] out of [[Leaves of Grass]] by Walt Whitman
* [[The Dakini Speaks]] by Joyce Wellwood
* [[Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting]] – Bertolt Brecht 1967
* [[The North Wind and the Sun]] - Aesop
* [[Stay with us]] - [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hafez Hafiz] (or Hafez?, or Hafiz of Shiraz?)

Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting

2010-09-14T09:45:12Z

Fremath: moved "Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting" – Bertolt Brecht 1967 to Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting

A student comes to Me-ti and says: "I want to participate in the
class struggle. How shall I fight?"

The old man laughs and asks: "Do you sit well?"

"I don't know", says Tu astonished, "how else should I sit?"

Me-ti explains to him. "But", says Tu impatiently, "I did not come to
learn to sit".

"I know", says Me-ti patiently, "you want to fight, but in order to
do so, you must learn to sit well, because just now we are sitting
and while sitting we will learn".

Tu replies, "If you always try to take the most comfortable position
and try to make the best of a given situation, in short, if you
always search for pleasure, how can you fight?"

Me-ti answers: "If you don't strive for pleasure, if you don't want
to make the best of a situation and take the most comfortable
position, why should you want to fight?"

"Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting" – Bertolt Brecht 1967

2010-09-14T09:45:12Z

Fremath: moved "Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting" – Bertolt Brecht 1967 to Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting

#REDIRECT [[Tu wants to learn fighting and learns sitting]]

Quotes

2010-04-16T09:10:56Z

Fremath: 'shine light of consciousness'

Here is a list of '''NVC quotes, aphorisms, and endorsements''', which can be very useful in education and outreach. Hopefully you will find each quote to illustrate a core NVC concept, or will inspire you to learn more.

Since this is a wiki page, anyone can edit it. So, please feel free to add to this list!



== NVC Quotes, Aphorisms, and Endorsements ==

----

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are
in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to
offer. -- Barbara De Angelis

----

Nonviolent Communication has so much to teach even advanced meditators.
Learning NVC has helped me to apply all that I've been cultivating on
the cushion - compassion, acceptance, understanding -off the cushion,
in the world. -- Christine Aquilino, member, Cambridge Insight Meditation
Center, Cambridge MA

----

In addition to saving our marriage, Marshall's work is helping us to
repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply
with our parents and siblings. Marshall has shown a way to not only live,
speak and act nonviolently, but a way to do so without sacrificing or
compromising yourself or others. If angels do manifest in physical form
here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one. -- A reader
in Arizona

----

Marshall has gathered and presented in a clear and convincing way the
essential nuts and bolts of speaking skillfully. With generous examples
of what doesn't work and useful, practical exercises of what does work
towards clear communication, he makes a strong case for changing the
quality of our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is a valuable
resource for everyone. -- Steve Armstrong, teacher, Vipassana Metta,
Maui HI; Insight Meditation Society, Barre MA

----

Suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me what time it is. She can see I am
not wearing a watch and I am not sitting near the clock. We have no plans
for the day. I get irritated. "I don't have any idea what time it is, why
don't you get up and find out for yourself", I say, my voice dripping
ice. ... In minutes we are having a low-level spat. ... Forgetting
to decode that she was asking me to reaffirm our connection, I got
irritated. ... If I knew that every question, every time we reach out
towards the other, for whatever superficial reason, really means "Do
you love me?" and/or "Will you continue to love me?" and/or "Do you
know I love you?", then I might have answered her [differently, and]
probably neither of us would have worried about the time. -- Chip August,
[http://personallifemedia.com/blogs/sex-love-intimacy/2007/03/19/do-you-love-me/ Source]

----

Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain. -- Marcus Aurelius

----

A boy carries out suggestions more wholeheartedly when he understands their aim. -- Sir Robert Baden-Powell (founder of the Scout movement)

----

That's all nonviolence is - organized love. -- Joan Baez

----

We've developed new habits of thinking that help us resolve conflict
peacefully, communicate more effectively as a team, and to increase
morale, profits and productivity. -- Valerie Becker, director, human
resources; Horizon Moving Systems (part of the United Van Lines network)

----

The NVC process is truly an effective tool in solving problems and
differences among individuals. I hold great hope for the tools NVC offers
as a means of being a successful organization from top to bottom. --
Scott Beethe, practice administrator

----

You can observe a lot just by watching -- Yogi Berra

----

Nonviolent Communication is an extremely
useful tool for improving communication and cultivating compassion.
NVC ? expressed in simple, articulate, useful steps ? has the capacity
to be as liberating as anything which Buddhism has to offer. -- Ed Brown,
teacher, Zen Center, San Francisco CA / Tassajara, Green Gulch CA

----

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with
you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for
what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring
out. -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

----

In NVC, we don't hear ultimatums, demands, or criticisms. All
communication is either an SOS or a care package. -- Kelly Bryson

----

The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the
dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and
sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within
individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free
will and autonomy is maintained. -- Kelly Bryson

----

Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which
one attains peace. -- Buddha, Dhammapada

----

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha

----

He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate. He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me / those who think not such thought will be free from hate. For hate is not conquered by hate, hate is conquered by love / this is a law eternal. -- Buddha, from The Dhammapada

----

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give
yourself to it. -- Buddha

----

My use of NVC has totally transformed my practice. I have changed from an
irritated, impatient practitioner to a compassionate, understanding and
loving health care provider. -- Lt. JoAnn Burton, RN, Newport Beach, CA

----

Nonviolent Communication has positively changed both my personal life
and medical practice. I now listen not just with my mind but also from
the heart. -- Anton Butie, MD, Del Mar, CA

----

I had come to realize that my old communication style was very
judgmental and full of faultfinding. Both my work associates and I were
unhappy. My life is significantly changed due to practicing Nonviolent
Communication. I am more settled and relaxed even when I am busy. I no
longer feel the need to discover fault or place blame. Everyone is happy
to be working with me for the first time in my 33 years of owning and
operating my own businesses. -- A businessman in California

----

Applying these principles to my life and using this easy four-step
process has helped me change old conditioned beliefs and ways of acting.
Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr.
Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world. --
A nurse in California

----

Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning
and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. -- A nurse
in California

----

Don't do anything that isn't play -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communications, DVD-2

----

I have used the NVC Companion Workbook now in two prison facilities. It
has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining
useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments. -- Karen
Campbell, workforce/lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections
Facility

----

I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but
more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your
spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else
you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Jack Canfield,
author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

----

When someone shouts "F-ck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so
in pain that I can't express my real needs and feelings." -- Caverly,
[http://people.tribe.net/ae705398-bda9-445f-9777-62d8f13b05be/blog?page=2 source]

----

When I am angry, three things are true: 1) There's something I'm wanting
I'm not getting. 2) I'm telling myself that someone ought to be giving
it to me. 3) I'm about to speak or behave in a way that will virtually
assure that I won't get what I want, or, at least assure that even if
I get it, it will not be given the way I really want. -- Alex Censor,
CNVC trainer, after Marshall Rosenberg, circa 1989

----

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation -- Chinese Proverb

----

Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this
connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. -- Deepak Chopra

----

Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster
health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul,
creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent
Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing and helps
us express honestly from the heart what are people doing that is or is not
in harmony with our needs. NVC is the missing element in what we do. --
Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

----

Jaw jaw is better than war war. -- Winston Churchill

----

I'm now finding myself communicating my needs and my business needs
more clearly, with better results, and I'm spending less energy and
time achieving it. -- Keith Cooper, owner, Alphagraphics Palo Verde;
Tucson, Arizona

----

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --
Irwin Corey

----

Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this
moment. -- John Cunningham, CNVC Trainer

----

I want to thank you for the Nonviolent Communication book. It is a
fantastic book. It's helping me to reflect on a lot of things. It means
a lot to me to have people believe in me. Everyone that received the
books here at the prison appreciates your support. Thank you and God
bless you all. -- T. D., Woman's Facility, Norco State Prison, Norco CA

----

The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been
accomplished. -- Daniel W. Davenport

----

Communication is either connection or confusion. Connection meets needs,
confusion doesn't. Most communication is confusion. We need to change
that. NVC provides clarity and facilitates connection, which is what
it's all about. -- Dee Davidson

----

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to
your enemies. -- Moshe Dayan

----

If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney

----

I appreciate how well Nonviolent Communication reduces a very complex
and needful topic to utter simplicity. -- HAL DOIRON, Director, Columbine
Community Citizen's Task Force

----

We never do things that are wrong, we do things that aren't in harmony
with our needs. -- Doug Dolstad, CNVC Trainer

----

Everything has changed, except our way of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

----

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own
hearts. -- Albert Einstein

----

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein

----

The significant problems of our time cannot be solved by the same level
of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein

----

Relationships with our children, spouses, parents, loved ones, and people
in positions of authority often tend to trigger emotional reactions,
which seem out of proportion to the immediate stress at hand. Nonviolent
or Compassionate Communication offers a way for us to practice being
mindful of our emotions with the focus of attention on our use of language
and communication. -- Bruce Eisenorf, MD

----

We are disturbed not by events, but by the views which we take of
them. -- Epictetus

----

Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and teaching practical
skills urgently needed for a less violent, more caring world. -- Riane
Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The
Power of Partnership

----

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for peace and partnership.
It shows us how to listen empathically and also communicate our authentic
feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg has a genius for developing and
teaching practical skills urgently needed for a less violent, more
caring world. -- RIANE EISLER, author of The Chalice and The Blade,
Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership

----

Schools in which students and teachers relate as partners-where
Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is part of every interaction are
communities of learning, rather than top-down, impersonal factories. Young
people begin to see school as a safe and exciting place of exploration
where they can share feelings and ideas, and where each child is
recognized, valued and nurtured. -- Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice
and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children and The Power of Partnership

----

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than
real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it
in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our
soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our
connection to God and to each other. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within us -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

----

I have been volunteering and leading a cadre of volunteers in a Low-Medium
Security federal men's prison in Victoria, BC (Canada) for the past seven
years. It was, in fact, at the prison that I first heard Marshall speak.
I have since incorporated NVC consciousness in my work with this group
as well as in other areas in my life and have found it profoundly
life-changing. I have a huge gratitude to my friend for her insisting
that I make time to attend that life-changing workshop with Marshall
last year. -- Michele Favarger, volunteer, Low-Medium security federal
men's prison, Victoria BC

----

Rosenberg brings us globally critical evidence that how/what we speak
reflects who we are and embodies what we will become. -- Dr. Barbara
E. Fields, executive director, The Association for Global New Thought

----

It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. --
Ella Fitzgerald

----

Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/
healing/ empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. This process
has impacted every area of my life and continues to unfold. For me, it
unifies the spiritual truths I've found in all the world's religions. It
facilitates and strengthens connections to others and its truths are
experientially testable.... I stand in awe of the model this book teaches
as a means of learning how to do love and of its elegant simplicity. --
A reader in Florida

----

It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power
of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible
to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power,
a co-active, not a coercive power. -- Mary Parker Follett

----

The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the
source of all anxiety. -- Erich Fromm, German psychoanalyst & writer,
The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics), Page: 8

----

Marshall took nonviolence a step further - beyond Gandhi. -- Johan
Galtung, Founder of the first peace institute in Oslo, 1959

----

Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and
violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the
means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant
book. -- Arun Gandhi, president, M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is
only temporary, the evil it does is permanent. -- Mahatma Gandhi

----

Namaste. I honour the place in your where the entire universe resides... a
place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the
place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place
there is only one of us. -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

----

The Compassionate Classroom is a fabulous book! If teachers will read
it, they can transform their classrooms. -- William Glasser, MD, author,
Schools Without Failure and The Quality School

----

The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how
parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all related
to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and
enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC we can't
ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult
relationship - if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy. --
Bernie Glassman, president and co-founder, Peacemaker Community

----

The consciousness of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism feed each
other, deepen each other and support each other in a beautiful, mutual
dance of deepening love. -- Mark J. Goodman, Vipassana Meditation and a
heart connection connection to Thich Nhat Hanh and his lineage, Seattle WA

----

Without an ounce of hesitation, I can say this book and these ideas
have had a profound, deep, and lasting impact on my life, improved my
relationships, increased the clarity and consciousness with which I use
language, and strengthened my intention to live a loving, compassionate
life. -- Mark J. Goodman

----

Animating compassion into living moment-to-moment experience seems a
formidable task for novices on the Dharma path. For convicts immersed in
an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering a
step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is
enormously liberating. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana (Insight) Meditation,
Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA

----

For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces
conflict, discovering a step-by-step methodology advocating compassion
through communication is enormously liberating. More than solely a potent
means to communicate, the NVC process effects fundamental and irrevocable
shifts in patterns of perception and interaction. -- Dow Gordon, Vipassana
(Insight) Meditation, Minimum Security Unit of the Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each
other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. This
book gives people both a way of expressing their needs congruently and
non-blamefully and a way of listening so others feel not just heard, but
understood. -- Dr. Thomas Gordon, author, Parent Effectiveness Training

----

Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential
conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to defuse
arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends,
and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book. -- John Gray,
Ph.D., author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

----

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe
me." Look what happens; with a love like that, it lights up the whole
sky. -- Hafiz

----

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. -- Thich
Nhat Hanh

----

There is a Boddhisattva, whose name is
Avalokitesvara, in Vietnamise we call
her Quan The Âm, in Chinese, Quan Yin.
It means: "Listening deeply to the sound
of the cries of the world". And listening
deeply is the practice of mindfullness.
But if you are full of pain, full of anxiety,
full of projections, and especially full of
prejudices. Full of ideas. And notions.
It may be very difficult for you to
practice deep listening. You are too full.
And that is why to practice in order for you
to have space to have freedom within
to have some joy within is very important
for deep listening. Avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
she practice deep listening to herself, and
to the world, outside. She practice touching
with her ears. -- Thich Nhat Hanh,
The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

As far as the the human relationship is concerned,
the situation is very negative. We have lost our power
to communicate. We cannot talk to each other, even in
our family. We have destroyed the bridge that
connects us to the other person. Because our daily life
of living in forgetfulness, we continue to water
the seeds of suffering in the other person.
And the other person continue to water the seeds
of unhappiness in us. So we are afraid of the
other person. We become more and more alone. --
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

You can practice deep listening in order to relieve
the suffering in us, and in the other person. That
kind of listening is described as compassionate listening.
You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering
in the other person. -- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Present
Moment (audio tape), Part 5.

----

The art of listening needs it highest development in listening to oneself;
our most important task is to develop an ear that can really hear what
we're saying. -- Sidney Harris, columnist

----

Dr. Rosenberg has added his thoughtful voice to an important
conversation. His approach is insightful, provocative, and is sure to
spark discussion. Speak Peace helps engage us in a vital dialogue that
allows us to look within and ask ourselves what role we can play in making
the world a better place. -- David Hart, CEO, Association for Conflict
Resolution (not endorsed by ACR, title provided for identification
purposes only)

----

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are. -- Houssaye

----

By temporarily putting our solutions aside, we learn how to offer what
is really needed first. Then our solutions can be received. -- Holley
Humphrey, CNVC Trainer

----

While there are other parenting books with insight into childhood,
Parenting from Your Heart goes a step further, showing parents how to put
theory into practice with their own child in a realistic, compassionate
and effective way. This book is worth its weight in gold!? -- Jan Hunt,
author, The Natural Child and director, The Natural Child Project Society

----

The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions. -- The I Ching

----

My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even
better. I have taught the method to many parents who have reported having
gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their
relationship and decreasing tension and conflict. -- A reader in Illinois

----

If you care about healing the offender and the victims in the community,
then it's paramount that beginnings be made. The Nonviolent Communication
process is a very large step toward this goal. -- A prison inmate

----

The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I'd ever faced the one
that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life
behind bars was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray
haired old man, hoping to God before you suffer what I've suffered that
it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will
teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how
to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel. --
A prisoner writing to fellow inmates

----

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others you
will also be judged. -- Jesus

----

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

----

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -- Carl Gustav Jung

----

Consider practicing NVC for one year before trying to teach it. --
Dian Killian, CNVC trainer

----

Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts
our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the
sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction
between punitive and protective force should be required reading for
anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets. -- D. Killian,
reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Rosenberg starts with the question: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassion, leading us to behave violently and exploitively? Rosenberg
makes some challenging points: that compliments and apologies operate
in a system of oppression; that rewards are as harmful as punishment,
that killing is the easy way out. His distinction between punitive
and protective force-and how to discern when force is necessary'should
be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our
streets. Demanding the ultimate form of responsibility? and vulnerability
- it's no wonder that Rosenberg has received little media and mass
attention. Well-written and laid out this book is accessible and easy
to read. -- D. KILLIAN, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times

----

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence, but
also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

----

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that
matter. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt. -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

----

I feel very blessed that Vipassana Meditation and Nonviolent Communication
came into my life right around the same time. These two powerful tools
complement one another in deeply profound ways. Nonviolent Communication,
for me, is the how to of Right Speech, communicating in ways that elicit
compassion, understanding, connection and clarity. My relationships are
now nourishing and clear, my actions are more deliberate and conscious,
and my service to the world is coming from a more peaceful and positive
place within. -- Tricia King, Bellingham WA

----

Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding
relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The
understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search
for any plan of action. -- J. Krishnamurti

----

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you
are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is
being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without
evaluating -- Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted in Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication, 2003a, p. 10)

----

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp
word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because
there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name
of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle,
much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. --
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a
European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why
it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of
mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by
tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand
violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political
party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding
of mankind. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, ch. 6

----

[I]t is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your
daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your
neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your
gods; you have nothing but images. The images create the space between you
and what you observe and in that space there is conflict, so what we are
going to find out now together is whether it is possible to be free of the
space we create, not only outside ourselves but in ourselves, the space
which divides people in all their relationships... -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

----

This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it. -- Lisa Kudrow

----

Compassion is the radicalism of our age. -- Dalai Lama

----

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful. -- Dalai Lama

----

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit combines the author's humor, deep compassion
for others and knowledge about food in a way that makes me eager to follow
her lead toward healthy eating-and more importantly, toward a healthy
attitude about eating. She aptly teaches us all to frame our food issues
in a language that is both liberating and comforting. -- Judith Hanson
Lasater, Ph.D., physical therapist and author of 30 Essential Yoga Poses

----

Using NVC was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me,
it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication. --
Jane Lazar, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer

----

Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting,
but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of
violence. -- Francis Lefkowitz, reporter, Body & Soul

----

Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy
out of other's service. -- Lucy Leu, CNVC Trainer

----

I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication to anyone interested in
resolving conflicts, creating more intimate relationships, or exploring
the connection between language and violence. -- Kate Lin, reporter,
The New Times

----

Nonviolent Communication is filled with stories of mediations in many
different situations: families, corporations, cops and gangs, Rwandan
village tribal chiefs, Israelis and Palestinians. The author describes
how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been able to hear each
other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new
solutions to previously impossible impasses. He has compiled his ideas
into an easy-to-read book that clearly explains this communication
model. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech, I highly
recommend this book. -- DIANA LION, Turning Wheel Magazine, Buddhist
Peace Fellowship

----

Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once enemies have been
able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately
and find new solutions to previously impossible impasses. If you want
to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear,
easy-to-read book. -- Diana Lion, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning
Wheel Magazine

----

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --
Audre Lourde

----

The world will change for the better when people decide that they are
sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and
decide to change themselves. -- Sidney Madwed

----

Sorrow and anger are two forms of unrequited desire. -- His Holiness
Jagadguru Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Mahaswamigal

----

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as
to talk well -- John Marshall

----

As a professional in the field, I have read many books touting most
of the topics covered in this book. But today I am ordering SEVERAL of
these, particularly for the teenagers in my life. This book practices
what it preaches, and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises,
and examples to be clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life practices what it preaches,
and I found the step-by-step approach, exercises and examples to be
clear and easy to practice. -- A reader in Maryland

----

For those of us who live our parenting responsibilities as a call for
inner growth and social transformation, Parenting From Your Heart offers
a unique perspective. Filled with insights and exercises, it helps us
prioritize connection, attend to everyone's needs, look for the needs
behind challenging behaviors, and to share power with our children. --
Stephanie Mattei, La Leche League

----

I am sure that each time I read this book, I will become better at
empathetically responding to people who up to now I had decided were
too toxic to deal with. -- Carmen Matthews, San Diego CA

----

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who take the trouble
to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook
on the work. -- Elton Mayo, behavioral scientist

----

Not only does the NVC process improve communication, but it works within
us, requiring us to examine our own emotions and ways of thinking about
others before we speak. Thus it is an excellent tool for personal growth
and transformation as well as peaceful communication. "Let peace begin
with me" could be the NVC motto. -- Kittrell McCord, Tucson Community
Meditation Center, Tucson AZ

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that eliminates the
competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication
that has infected most of our lives. -- Chuck McDougal, book reviewer

----

We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand
invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run
as causes and return to us as results. -- Herman Melville

----

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence ... [and that is]
activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form,
perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself
to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender
to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want
to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy
of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work,
because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful. --
Thomas Merton, "An Innate Violence", quoted in Sabbath

----

NVC is an awareness practice masquerading as a communication tool. --
Kit Miller, former Chair of the Board of the International Center for
Nonviolent Communication

----

The Compassionate Classroom demonstrates the connection between learning
and the relationships between students and teachers. It is filled with
exercises and role-plays that could be introduced to the classroom
to enhance understanding. This is a great curriculum development
resource!? -- Jerry Mintz, Alternative Education Resource Organization
(AERO)

----

Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and parents. -- BARBARA
MOFFITT, Executive Director, National Center for Montessori Educators

----

When I discovered the NVC process, I immediately saw how congruent it
was with my Buddhist practice. NVC really allows me to manifest my
compassionate nature in my daily life. -- Pascale Molho, Kanzeon Sangha;
Paris, France

----

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Grandma Moses

----

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. -- the late New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

----

The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength,
but the strong is the one who controls himself in a moment of anger.
-- The Prophet Muhammad

----

Teachers, parents and school administrators: Today's teachers can create
a Planet of Peace. The communication process you will learn by reading
Nonviolent Communication is the cornerstone. -- Robert Muller, former
Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and co-founder of the
University for Peace in Costa Rica

----

Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard
to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book,
because it's really any and all of us. -- Michael Nagler, author, Is
There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future

----

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. --
Ralph Nichols

----

Nonviolent Communication and trainings in the NVC process are an
invaluable, skillful means for enriching communication with oneself
and with others in a manner that eases the suffering in human
relationships. -- Nicolee Jikyo Miller-McMahan, Three Treasures Zen
Community

----

I highly recommend reading this book, and applying the NVC process it
teaches. It is a significant first step towards changing our communication
and creating a compassionate world. -ARUN GANDHI, Founder/President,
M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

----

We have lived traumatic moments over and over again-moments of fear and
panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of
all sorts, with no hope of escape.... [The NVC process] offers us a
peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict. --
Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

----

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict offers a gift of spirit, theory and
nonviolent communication experience from which every seeker of peace
within and without can learn. It complements John Burton's Deviance,
Terrorism and War as a guide to mutual need-fulfilling processes of
problem-solving to realize nonviolent conditions of global life. --
Glenn D. Paige, author, Nonkilling Global Political Science; founder,
Center for Global Nonviolence

----

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same
time. -- M. Scott Peck

----

I have found the NVC practice to be a powerful complement to the Buddhist
teachings on right speech. While the Dharma helps me know which forms
of speech to avoid, NVC shows me how to use language in ways that build
more compassionate connections with others. -- Tom Pedulla, member,
Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, Cambridge MA

----

No matter what the issue may be that serves to separate us from others,
whether it is sexual orientation, gender, or racial differences, NVC is
a process that can bring us back into connection, and help us to honor
and appreciate our differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol
Placer, Association of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

No matter what the issue may separate us, NVC can help us appreciate our
differences and celebrate our common needs. -- Carol Placer, Association
of Women in Psychology, Northern Arizona contact

----

A good listener truly wants to know the speaker. -- John Powell S.J.,
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

----

Many books on communication are strong on theory but impractical on
application. Marshall Rosenberg's instant classic is the stand-out
exception. It is clear and compelling in its logic and flat-out inspiring
in its inviting exposition of usable techniques and strategies. If this
book is read by enough people, the world will transform. -- Hugh Prather,
author, The Little Book of Letting Go, Shining Through, and Morning Notes

----

Change in the body must start with change in thought. If you have
been unable to eat smart, despite repeated attempts, Eat by Choice,
Not by Habit is the book you have been waiting for. -- Linda Prout,
nutritionist and nutrition director

----

Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just
as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him. --
Simone Weil quotes

----

Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it,
or you learn from it. -- Rafiki, in The Lion King

----

Connecting the individual consciousness together within yourself, is
the gift of the giver. It is with a touch of love that your hands will
recieve all that is hidden behind love. The touch is mine. -- Rasa,
Testament of Will, Green 16

----

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal
and to connect than the most well~intentioned words. -- Rachel Naomi Remen

----

In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery,
racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices
outlined in Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary
to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic
or international. -- MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf

----

Buddhism and NVC are rooms in the same house. By examining the tools
of the mind, language and symbol, the true nature of the mind becomes
clearer. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for
developing clarity and genuine compassion. -- Lewis Rhames, Vipassana
Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit,

----

Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication
into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies
for communicating with others will set you up to win every time. --
Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

----

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are
instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of
life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart
of successful communication. -- TONY ROBBINS, author of Awaken the Giant
Within, Unlimited Power, and PowerTalk!

----

In Nonviolent Communication you will find an amazingly effective language
for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential
and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use
in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. -- Vicki Robin,
co-author, Your Money or Your Life

----

We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much
unnecessary personal and social misery. In [NVC] you will find an
amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your
heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the
surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in
its results. -- Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life

----

If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems
to him; if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the
emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent
forces of change in him. -- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

----

[Listening] means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment
by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person....
To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside
your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice.
In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself .... -- Carl Rogers

----

Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively, skillfully, and with understanding to another person. -- Carl Rogers, psychologist

----

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor
Roosevelt

----

My needs are happy to meet your needs! -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

While I recognize you are not the only person who can meet these needs,
you are my favorite strategy. -- Jyoti Rose (Jodi Gross)

----

Years of meditation and spiritual study left me with discouragement
at my inability to implement the resulting high ideals. The Nonviolent
Communication process turned out to be the liberating key that is showing
me how to put spiritual teachings into concrete practice in my daily
life. -- Lin Rose, Bellevue WA

----

A difficult message is a chance to enrich someone's life. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Also, think about your intentionality — are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don’t want to do the mechanics without the consciousness. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

A need is life seeking expression within us. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, millions
of people throughout the world are feeling deep pain and grief. They feel
outraged, scared, powerless -- and very vulnerable. Many have a deep
need to feel safe again. They long for a world where they can live in peace.
Others have a deep desire to get even. They long for revenge And retribution.
Currently, the United States has decided that it must take action, and
other countries have decided to join them. Some people want the goal of these
actions to be peace and safety; some want these actions to focus on
retaliation and punishment. This presents a real problem: If our leaders
base their actions on retaliation and punishment, I believe they cannot
achieve the goal of lasting world safety and peace. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
La Crescenta, CA, September 27, 2001

----

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE
(an opportunity to make life more wonderful). -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing
that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those
people deserve to be punished. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people.
It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be
in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the
other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where
if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are
closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental
appointment. -- Marshall Rosenberg, "NVC and Corporations pt 2",
Farther down the Rabbit Hole show w/Paula Gloria.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEXGNui2OQ Source]

----

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our
likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly,
because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting
any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal
expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1

----

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he’ll jump in. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he’s the cause of his pain. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet
our needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Domination cultures teach us a way of thinking that serves the
structure, not life. Perhaps the most important human need
is the need to make contribute to life, to enrich life, to
make life more wonderful for everyone. Viktor Frankl calls
this "man's search for meaning". Domination cultures, jackal
cultures, really work on this, by tricking people into
mis-recognizing this as a need for money, status, approval.
To make us slaves of culture, we have been educated to get
these other things as [the spoils of] the good life. That
takes a powerful [educational system] to make us so stupid.
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, "Mis-recognition of Needs", from
the CD, "Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

----

Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind
it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move on. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy before education. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

Empathy lies in our ability to be present. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Intimate Relationships, track 23

----

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the
need met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

For many parents, the way I'm talking about communicating is so different
that they say, "Well, it just doesn't seem natural to communicate
that way." At just the right time, I read something that Gandhi had
written in which he said, "Don't mix up that which is habitual with
that which is natural." Gandhi said that very often we've been trained
to communicate and act in ways that are quite unnatural, but they are
habitual in the sense that we have been trained for various reasons
to do it that way in our culture. And that certainly rang true to
me in the way that I was trained to communicate with children. The
way I was trained to communicate by judging rightness and wrongness,
goodness and badness, and the use of punishment was widely used and
very easily became habitual for me as a parent. But I wouldn't say that
because something is habitual that it is natural. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
[http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/rcc.html Source]

----

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nvc-chapter-1/nonviolent-communication-language-compassion NVC - a Language of Life C 1]

----

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react
to what they say. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and
criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With
this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh
remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying,
"please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment,
or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of
"please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1.

----

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they
will be met. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people
in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get
rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and
needing. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-2

----

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it’s the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person’s message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation
at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows
everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations
and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our
environment. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved
in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the
other. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication,
DVD-1

----

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play
the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game
where everybody loses. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1

----

It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power,
status, or resources. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

It's never what people do that make us angry, it's what we tell ourselves
about what they did. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NO is always a YES to something else. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Never connect yourself with the other person’s pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person’s feelings and needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

NVC Mourning: connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated
by past actions which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

[NVC is] language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Lausanne Switzerland, September 2003

----

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to
get our needs met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet
when we took the action which we now regret. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that
energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to
avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward,
everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody
pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation,
everybody pays for. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

Needs are the expression of life through us. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what
they think about you. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communications, DVD-1

----

Never put your "but" in the face of an angry person. -- Marshall
Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-2

----

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful — but it’s a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. -- Marshall
Rosenberg

----

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention
from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet
needs. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of
themselves. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and
what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs,
and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures
have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with
our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our
needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude
the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis
and life-alienated analysis... Analysis is a problem only when it gets
disconnected from serving life. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The more we empathize, the safer we feel -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met. -- Marshall Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2 day course transcript]

----

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need. --
Marshall Rosenberg

----

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying
people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately,
it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language
of demands. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

----

Understanding and connection can transcend conflict. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts
of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We give empathy to others for our own benefit. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a
release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg

----

We need empathy to give empathy. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get
it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If
it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet
out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin
courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you
get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. --
Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather
than self-hatred. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather
than out of fear, guilt, shame or obligation. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead
people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot
maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive. -- Marshall
B. Rosenberg, "Couples Longest Running Conflict Story", from the CD,
"Creating a Life Serving System Within Oneself".

---

We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures:
to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and
do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is
the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is
fully alive. The last thing you want to teach people, if you want a domination structure, is for them to be in touch with their needs. You ought to teach
them that the highest value is not a need to express their needs. "Needs"
means you are needy, selfish, dependent, egotistical. Loving women have no
needs; they suppress their needs, for their family. Brave men have no needs;
they are willing to lose their lives for the king. That is why we do not
know what our needs are. I went to schools for twenty-one years. Not only
was I never asked what I was feeling; I certainly was never asked what my
needs were! -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Source: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

----

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent
Communication

----

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When I recognize I’ve got anger, then I realize it’s because I have a need that’s not being met. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg, [http://www.cnvc.org/node/185 2-day advanced intensive]

----

When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our
common humanity. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as
monsters. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg [http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html Source]

----

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other's behavior,
we have no enemies. -- Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

----

When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit
or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose
track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to
determine what you do. -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent
Communication, DVD-1.

----

When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy. -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

Whenever you make a request of someone, hand them a little card which
says this on it: "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with
the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I
request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please
do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love
you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel
shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty
or obligation." -- Marshall Rosenberg

----

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. --
Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less
stupid. -- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words
"because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting
what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word
"think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard,
but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction. -- Marshall Rosenberg,
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, DVD-1.

----

Educators committed to engaging in the long-term, often difficult
work of strengthening their relationships with colleagues, students
and parents and expanding their opportunities for personal growth will
find Nonviolent Communication to be an invaluable tool. -- Ron Rubin,
safe schools consultant, Vermont Department of Education

----

[W]e have to live over into the other; we have to dissolve with our soul
into the other. -- Rudolf Steiner 11/10/1919

----

Come out of the circle of time, and into the circle of love. -- Rumi

----

O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your
voice in all things. -- Rumi

----

Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll
Meet you There -- Rumi

----

As a school counselor, I implemented a 2 year anti-bullying program at
the international school where I currently work. I used Marshall's work
and wisdom throughout the program and am happy to report that we reduced
bullying by 26% -- Nicki Ruud, Ed.D., school counselor, International School of Helsinki,
(as reported on a student questionnaire designed by Dr. Dan Olweus).

----

All adults should learn how to use the skills expressed in Dr.
Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The
outcome would be that children would be accustomed to the language of
positive, nonviolent forms of communication that will aid them throughout
their lives. Dr. Rosenberg, you are a peacemaker!? -- Nancy Sager,
principal, Sante Fe Montessori School

----

I want to appreciate you without judging. Join you without
invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt. --
Virgina Satir

----

You can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes until you take off your
own shoes. - Native American Saying

----

As a family physician, I have used NVC in my daily work with patients
for almost 10 years. We have much more of a cooperative relationship than
before, and NVC has helped me and my patients save time and unnecessary
investigations and visits. As a leader of a health care center for about
18 years, NVC has helped me create a climate of trust, understanding
and joy for my staff. -- Ola Schenstrom, MD, chief physician and family
physician; Lulea, Sweden

----

When we teach people to think in terms of enemy images, the bombs are
not very far. -- Andrew Schumaker

----

Violence begins with language. If we can change our communication, we can
change our consciousness. Then we can dance with others and create beauty
and harmony instead of war and destruction. -- Mel Sears, California

----

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever
he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All
things interconnect. -- Chief Seattle

----

Perhaps I've benefited the most from this tools in how I've applied it to
my own self-talk ? my inner dialog. It's helped me to translate judgments
and self-criticisms, so that I could see what was the life-connected
impulse they were coming from. Then it was easy and joyful to change
without any 'shoulds. I can't say enough good things about my experience
with this tool. -- Alan Seid, Vipassana, Bellingham WA

----

Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a
dance of relationships among the people of the class. The Compassionate
Classroom is a how-to guide that presents a wide range of powerful
communication and relationship tools that will help each child discover
and reach their potential. -- Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori
Foundation

----

When there is a lot of hurt associated with a long-unmet need, the
person receiving the request can feel a heavy burden, sensing an almost
insatiable demand for energy. Caregivers often need empathy around this,
as it can produce a response of fear and self-protection. And people
in desperate pain, to the best of their ability, should become aware of
this, and not become attached to the strategy of a particular person to
meet these needs. When everything is in balance, and all intentions are
in check, a magnificent gift of healing flows in both directions. --
Lynn Senick, (w/development by BH)

----

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. --
William Shakespeare, spoken by Hamlet

----

The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he
sees me. -- George Bernard Shaw

----

Nonviolent Communication is a masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace.
This book goes far beyond mere talk . . . it shows us how to TEACH
peace. -- JAMES E. SHAW, PhD, author of Jack and Jill, Why They Kill

----

Nonviolent Communication is a practical and necessary work that should be
required reading by every state department of education in the nation,
and adopted for immediate and continuous use in our school districts.
Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk - it shows
us how to TEACH peace. -- James E. Shaw, Ph.D., author, Jack and Jill,
Why They Kill

----

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the
shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then
listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. --
Shel Silverstein

----

Marshall Rosenberg, who teaches non-violent communication, was struck in
reading psychological interviews with Nazi war criminals not by their
abnormality, but that they used a language denying choice: "should,"
"one must," "have to." For example, Adolph Eichmann was asked, "Was
it difficult for you to send these tens of thousands of people their
death?" Eichmann replied, "To tell you the truth, it was easy. Our
language made it easy." Asked to explain, Eichmann said, "My fellow
officers and I coined our own name for our language. We called it
amtssprache -- 'office talk.'" In office talk "you deny responsibility
for your actions. So if anybody says, 'Why did you do it?' you say, 'I
had to.' 'Why did you have to?' 'Superiors' orders. Company policy. It's
the law.'" -- Sam Smith, Minutes of the Wannsee Conference, from the book
"Why Bother", on the normalization of violence

----

I know nothing, except that I know nothing. -- Socrates

----

NVC is using precision in language to gain a deeper connection with myself. -- Leo Sofer [http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com/trainers/ Source]

----

If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere
insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate
them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good
and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing
to destroy a piece of his own heart? -- Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

An emotion, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion, as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea thereof. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

As for the terms good and bad, they indicate no positive quality in things regarded in themselves, but are merely modes of thinking, or notions which we form from the comparison of things with one another. Thus one and the same thing can be at the same time good, bad, and indifferent. For instance music is good to the melancholy, bad to those who mourn, and neither good nor bad to the deaf. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Do not weep. Do not wax indignant. Understand. -- Baruch Spinoza

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I have laboured carefully, not to mock, lament, or execrate, but to understand human actions; and to this end I have looked upon passions, such as love, hatred, anger, envy, ambition, pity, and the other perturbations of the mind, not in the light of vices of human nature, but as properties, just as pertinent to it, as are heat, cold, storm, thunder, and the like to the nature of the atmosphere, which phenomena, though inconvenient, are yet necessary, and have fixed causes, by means of which we endeavour to understand their nature, and the mind has just as much pleasure in viewing them aright, as in knowing such things as flatter the senses -- Baruch Spinoza

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I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them -- Baruch Spinoza

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In the state of nature, wrong-doing is impossible; or, if anyone does wrong, it is to himself, not to another. For no one by the law of nature is bound to please another, unless he chooses, nor to hold anything to be good or evil, but what he himself, according to his own temperament, pronounces to be so; and, to speak generally, nothing is forbidden by the law of nature, except what is beyond everyone's power. -- Baruch Spinoza

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I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused. -- Baruch Spinoza

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The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. -- Baruch Spinoza

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There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope. -- Baruch Spinoza

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Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad -- Baruch Spinoza

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We strive to further the occurrence of whatever we imagine will lead to Joy, and to avert or destroy what we imagine is contrary to it, or will lead to Sadness. -- Baruch Spinoza

----

Changing the way the world works sounds daunting, but Nonviolent
Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.
FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, Body & Soul

----

I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book
on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the
'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Nonviolent Communication adds
brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking
responsibility and creates a true tool. Amazingly easy to read, great
examples, and challenging to put into practice - this book is a true
gift to all of us. -- A reader in Washington state

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...Adult listening behaviors become habitual. Our listening behaviors
have been acquired and reinforced over a long period of time. As adults
we rarely think about how we listen or consider that it takes time to
change old habits. We listen the way we do because we have learned to
listen that way. -- Lyman K. Steil, Larry L. Barker, & Kittie W. Watson,
Effective Listening Key To Your Success

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Every human being shall see in each and all of his fellow-men a hidden
divinity... that every human being is made in the likeness of the
Godhead. When that time comes there will be no need for any religious
coercion; for then every meeting between one man and another will of
itself be in the nature of a religious rite, a sacrament. -- Rudolf
Steiner

----

[I]n the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of
happiness if others beside him are unhappy. -- Rudolf Steiner

----

NVC consulting has helped the members of our organization to connect
and communicate effectively. -- Nate Stewart, MD, orthopedic surgeon

----

With the growth in today's dysfunctional families and the increase
of violence in our schools, Nonviolent Communication is a godsend. --
Linda C. Stoehr, reporter, Los Colinas Business News

----

Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the
word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance,
or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are
going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether
what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have
their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being
uttered. Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives
himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to
that word. -- William Stringfellow, Friend's Journal

----

Parenting from Your Heart abundantly presents valuable principles
applicable to many family situations. It is perfect for the busy parent
searching for a quick read of practical and productive parenting ideas. --
Win and Bill Sweet, authors, Living Joyfully with Children

----

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. --
Jonathan Swift

----

As a 62 year old businessman who had a near death experience during a
cardiac arrest puts it - "One thing I learned was that we are all part
of one big, living universe. If we think we can hurt another person or
another living thing without hurting ourselves we are sadly mistaken. I
look at a forest or a flower or a bird now, and say 'That is me, part of
me'. We are connected with all things and if we send love along those
connections, then we are happy. -- Michael Talbot, The Holographic
Universe

----

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something
for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I
feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational
feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need
advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind
them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -
because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God
just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen,
and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -
and I will listen to you. -- Alan Taplow (adapted), from PLEASE LISTEN! by
Dr. Ray Houghton, as published in The Promise of Green, edited by Deborah
Roth. [http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/listening/please.html Source]

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A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually
make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in
a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- Wes Taylor, Progressive Health

----

This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling
cycles of argument in their relationships. Marshall Rosenberg offers
a radical challenge to centuries of thought and language that create
violence. If enough people actually learn Nonviolent Communication we
may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world. -- WES TAYLOR,
Progressive Health

----

Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning. Love has to be put
into action and that action is service. -- Mother Teresa

----

What you think of me is none of my business! -- Terry Cole-Whittaker,
1982 (book by same name)

----

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When
someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested
listening, our spirits expand. -- Sue Patton Thoele

----

NVC provides the skills to connect on a heart level with every individual
while practicing mindfulness and the Eightfold Path. Both the books and
the NVC workshops will cultivate a heart of compassion. -- Rusty Thomas,
Vipassana (Insight) Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional
Complex, Monroe, WA

----

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

----

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When
we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this
recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly
being re-created. -- Brenda Ueland

----

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --
Unknown

----

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist,
and forever will recreate each other. -- unknown, Source: Pierre Teilhard
de Chardin

----

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have
not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to
tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to
solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. -- Unknown,
"Listen" (sometimes as "Listen to me")

----

During the 1950s the American psychologist Carl Rogers noticed the
presence of a new faculty in the younger generation for which he used a
word originally coined in 1912: empathy. In fact, what he was describing
is a process which has become part of the experience of an ever-increasing
number of those born after the end of the Second World War. Empathy
arises out of sympathy, love, interest in and compassion for our fellow
human being; it enables us to extend our own inner being into that of the
other person and directly experience something of his essential nature. --
Baruch Luke Urieli, Learning to Experience the Etheric World

----

Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties needs. This is one of
the most useful books you will ever read. -- William Ury, co-author,
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

----

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

Seeing me before him, / The adversary attacks, / But by that time / I am already standing / Safely behind him. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. ... The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing. -- Morihei Ueshiba, the Art of Peace

----

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the
mind cannot understand. -- Robert Vallett

----

Compassionate Communication changes our consciousness so that the habits of the past
are replaced by the passion of the present. -- Pan Vera, Trainer, Mediator and relationship coach.

----

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching
a compassionate way to talk to people even if you (or they) are angry. --
Joe Vitale, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing

----

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire

----

It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce. -- Voltaire

----

Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him. -- Voltaire

----

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire

----

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. -- Voltaire

----

Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels. -- Voltaire

----

Marshall's book profoundly questions present-day thinking on education
and educational structures. The principles in this book can generate
more harmony in our classrooms, homes and societies. All educators and
parents should have Life-Enriching Education. -- Dr. Jeannette Vos,
coauthor, The Learning Revolution

----

In my estimation, NVC is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold
Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly
cut through frustrations and growing pains. -- Joan Starr Ward, member,
Spirit Rock Center, CA and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship

----

If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but
if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine then
let us work together. -- Lila Watson (aboriginal activist)

----

Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption that
the other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only one
reality.... -- Paul Watzlawick, Psychologist

----

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not
being talked about. -- Oscar Wilde

----

As far as nonviolence and Spiritual Activism, Marshall Rosenberg is
it! Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is essential reading
for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills. Applying the
concepts within the book will help guide the reader towards a more loving,
compassionate, and nonviolent way of understanding and functioning with
others, and foster more compassion in the world. I highly recommend this
book. -- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, author of Everyday Grace, President Global
Renaissance Alliance

----

==Also see==

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

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