NVCWiki - User contributions [en]

NVC Wiki Technical Issues

2006-11-21T10:34:22Z

Sophie: /* Design */

http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_User's_Guide

== Requests & Questions ==
===Anti-Spam Feature?===
I use "Recent changes" to conveniently see what's new here every few days. Unfortunately there seems to be a spammer who's trying to get search engine ratings by posting the same list of URLs on on dozens of unprotected pages. This spammer seems to use "zombie" computers, so the IP addresses aren't all the same. Three problems:
#Those spams are blocked from display, but still sometimes mess up the normal display of affected pages.
#When I use "Recent changes" there are usually several pages of random IP addresses that make it very difficult to sort out spams from legitimate posts by people not logged in. Even when someone was logged in, it's easy to miss their name amid all the spam posts.
#When admin removes the spams, sometimes there's another long list of "changes" for spam removal.
I'm wondering: is there a way to automatically purge the spams and spam removals from the change list? -[[User:Jw4nvc|John W.]] 21:29, 20 July 2006 (CEST)

== Design ==
[[User:Sophie]] contacted [[User:Markus Pallo]] about [[NVC Wiki design]]. [[User:Jason Felice]] also expressed interest in being involved in this effort.

This has not been progressed - Sophie suggests - as the logo in place is rather nice, (setting aside any copyright issues about using the puppets?), perhaps the colour scheme of the rest of the skin could be developed to match - eg. use of red, terracotta, cream, dark brown or black, sepia etc. Perhaps the front page could then use the logo of the jackal/giraffe set in a world / globe, again with similar colours....

Notes and Ideas: multiplicity and connection (eg. leaves of a tree...variations on a theme...)

A subtitle for the title NVC WIKI? eg. Connecting the world with Empathy... compassionate connection through nonviolent communication ....collaborating with compassion to create a resource for nonviolent communication around the globe...your ideas?

==Opportunities for design ==
Some of the obvious things that ''could'' be redesigned
* site front page
* logo/image (top left)
* everything that can be changed via the mutable css.
** 'frame' background colour/image, text
** frame tabs - colours, text, shape?
** page background colour, text
** body text styles
** navigation panel colours, border, text

== Site URL ==

Many of us prefer nvcwiki.org to nvcwiki.com, and no one has objected yet. Markus Pallo will look into changing it to so that nvcwiki.com gets redirected to nvcwiki.org (the opposite of how it is now).

== Capitalization ==

Is it possible to have MediaWiki ignore capitalization, so that a link to "Social change" goes to a page called "Social Change" ? (and vice-versa)

As far as i understood the first letter wil be automatically uppercased. And i read the roadmap for the major plans for release 1.6 there is "Case-insensitive, case-preserving page titles" feature planned. see http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_roadmap

== SisterSites ==

Check if/how [[MediaWiki]] supports SisterSites. SisterSites is a feature which links wikis together. On any page which has the same name as pages on other wikis (those selected as "sisters" of the origin wiki), links automatically appear to those other wikis. See http://ourpla.net/cgi/pikie?SisterSites

== Multilingual wiki ==
'''Help''' by WikiMedia :
*[http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Guide_for_system_administrators_for_setting_up_interwiki_linking#language_links language links] (Guide for system administrators for setting up interwiki linking)
*[http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Interwiki_linking#Interlanguage_link_.28software_feature.29 Interlanguage link (software feature)] (Interwiki linking)
*[http://meta.wikipedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_i18n Documentation on customizing the interface for different languages]

=== InterWiki links ===

'''Two''' ways to create links pointing to other languages pages in the same wiki :
* a link which will appear in the left column
: '''Example 1''' <code><nowiki>[[fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]</nowiki></code> appears on this page below the tab ''in other languages'' [[fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]
* a link wich will remain in the right part of the page
: '''Example 2''' <code><nowiki>[[:fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]</nowiki></code> becomes [[:fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]

== Other ways the net/computers can support NVC ==

=== www.nvctorrents.org ===
Initiate a website providing the quality of interactions one can find here :
* http://chomskytorrents.org/ using [[wikipedia:BitTorrent|BitTorrent]] technology

Here is an example :
* http://dieudo.dyndns.org:8080/
** the conference ('''ConferenceNantes2003''') one can find there is both in english and french, was given by Marshall B. Rosenberg during 2003 at Nantes, France, and translated in french by Godfrey Spencer and Anne Bourrit. It can be downloaded with free/open source softwares, as described for [[wikipedia:BitTorrent|BitTorrent]].
** it is also described here : http://dieudo.dyndns.org/spip/Conference-de-Nantes [fr]

=== Other CMS for NVC ===

Here are the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Content_management_system CMS] being used or considered for and by the NVC World's networks :

*[http://spip.net SPIP] used for [http://nvc-europe.org/SPIP nvc-europe.org/SPIP]

*[http://drupal.org Drupal], [http://plone.org Plone], [http://typo3.org Typo3] being considered by the [http://cnvc.org CNVC]

==== Comparison tools ====

* http://www.wikimatrix.org/
* http://www.cmsmatrix.org/
* http://www.opensourcecms.com where you can test many CMS (public and private part). The ones using PHP and MySQL (for others, see for example [http://www.opensourcecms.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=246&Itemid=0 what is said about plone]) .

==== EMail digest ====

Does the wiki have email digest option ?

NVC Wiki Technical Issues

2006-11-21T10:33:59Z

Sophie: /* Design */

http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_User's_Guide

== Requests & Questions ==
===Anti-Spam Feature?===
I use "Recent changes" to conveniently see what's new here every few days. Unfortunately there seems to be a spammer who's trying to get search engine ratings by posting the same list of URLs on on dozens of unprotected pages. This spammer seems to use "zombie" computers, so the IP addresses aren't all the same. Three problems:
#Those spams are blocked from display, but still sometimes mess up the normal display of affected pages.
#When I use "Recent changes" there are usually several pages of random IP addresses that make it very difficult to sort out spams from legitimate posts by people not logged in. Even when someone was logged in, it's easy to miss their name amid all the spam posts.
#When admin removes the spams, sometimes there's another long list of "changes" for spam removal.
I'm wondering: is there a way to automatically purge the spams and spam removals from the change list? -[[User:Jw4nvc|John W.]] 21:29, 20 July 2006 (CEST)

== Design ==
[[User:Sophie]] contacted [[User:Markus Pallo]] about [[NVC Wiki design]]. [[User:Jason Felice]] also expressed interest in being involved in this effort.

This has not progressed - Sophie suggests - as the logo in place is rather nice, (setting aside any copyright issues about using the puppets?), perhaps the colour scheme of the rest of the skin could be developed to match - eg. use of red, terracotta, cream, dark brown or black, sepia etc. Perhaps the front page could then use the logo of the jackal/giraffe set in a world / globe, again with similar colours....

Notes and Ideas: multiplicity and connection (eg. leaves of a tree...variations on a theme...)

A subtitle for the title NVC WIKI? eg. Connecting the world with Empathy... compassionate connection through nonviolent communication ....collaborating with compassion to create a resource for nonviolent communication around the globe...your ideas?

==Opportunities for design ==
Some of the obvious things that ''could'' be redesigned
* site front page
* logo/image (top left)
* everything that can be changed via the mutable css.
** 'frame' background colour/image, text
** frame tabs - colours, text, shape?
** page background colour, text
** body text styles
** navigation panel colours, border, text

== Site URL ==

Many of us prefer nvcwiki.org to nvcwiki.com, and no one has objected yet. Markus Pallo will look into changing it to so that nvcwiki.com gets redirected to nvcwiki.org (the opposite of how it is now).

== Capitalization ==

Is it possible to have MediaWiki ignore capitalization, so that a link to "Social change" goes to a page called "Social Change" ? (and vice-versa)

As far as i understood the first letter wil be automatically uppercased. And i read the roadmap for the major plans for release 1.6 there is "Case-insensitive, case-preserving page titles" feature planned. see http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_roadmap

== SisterSites ==

Check if/how [[MediaWiki]] supports SisterSites. SisterSites is a feature which links wikis together. On any page which has the same name as pages on other wikis (those selected as "sisters" of the origin wiki), links automatically appear to those other wikis. See http://ourpla.net/cgi/pikie?SisterSites

== Multilingual wiki ==
'''Help''' by WikiMedia :
*[http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Guide_for_system_administrators_for_setting_up_interwiki_linking#language_links language links] (Guide for system administrators for setting up interwiki linking)
*[http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Interwiki_linking#Interlanguage_link_.28software_feature.29 Interlanguage link (software feature)] (Interwiki linking)
*[http://meta.wikipedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_i18n Documentation on customizing the interface for different languages]

=== InterWiki links ===

'''Two''' ways to create links pointing to other languages pages in the same wiki :
* a link which will appear in the left column
: '''Example 1''' <code><nowiki>[[fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]</nowiki></code> appears on this page below the tab ''in other languages'' [[fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]
* a link wich will remain in the right part of the page
: '''Example 2''' <code><nowiki>[[:fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]</nowiki></code> becomes [[:fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]

== Other ways the net/computers can support NVC ==

=== www.nvctorrents.org ===
Initiate a website providing the quality of interactions one can find here :
* http://chomskytorrents.org/ using [[wikipedia:BitTorrent|BitTorrent]] technology

Here is an example :
* http://dieudo.dyndns.org:8080/
** the conference ('''ConferenceNantes2003''') one can find there is both in english and french, was given by Marshall B. Rosenberg during 2003 at Nantes, France, and translated in french by Godfrey Spencer and Anne Bourrit. It can be downloaded with free/open source softwares, as described for [[wikipedia:BitTorrent|BitTorrent]].
** it is also described here : http://dieudo.dyndns.org/spip/Conference-de-Nantes [fr]

=== Other CMS for NVC ===

Here are the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Content_management_system CMS] being used or considered for and by the NVC World's networks :

*[http://spip.net SPIP] used for [http://nvc-europe.org/SPIP nvc-europe.org/SPIP]

*[http://drupal.org Drupal], [http://plone.org Plone], [http://typo3.org Typo3] being considered by the [http://cnvc.org CNVC]

==== Comparison tools ====

* http://www.wikimatrix.org/
* http://www.cmsmatrix.org/
* http://www.opensourcecms.com where you can test many CMS (public and private part). The ones using PHP and MySQL (for others, see for example [http://www.opensourcecms.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=246&Itemid=0 what is said about plone]) .

==== EMail digest ====

Does the wiki have email digest option ?

Many NVC wikis

2006-11-21T10:30:00Z

Sophie:

== Known NVC wikis ==

* [http://nvc-europe.org/wiki/ NVCwiki] ( start : 24 April 2005 ) - mostly French
* [http://www.nvcwiki.com/ NVC Wiki] (this one :-) ( start : 13 July 2005 )
* [http://www.speakfreely.org.uk/notes/ speak freely] ( start : 24 November 2005 )
* <s>[http://nvcworld.net/wiki/ NVC World] ( start : 5 December 2005 )</s> no more in use
* [http://www.empaatia.ee EMPAATIA.ee] Estonian NVC friends home page (start Dec 2005)

----

Several of us (John Abbe, Sophie Brown, DieudonnÃ©, Markus Wittwer, Markus Pallo at the beginning) had a phone call January 24, 2005 about some of these wikis.

Sophie moved the general-interest NVC content from the speak freely wiki to nvcwiki.com. The Speak Freely wiki is for local use, although anyone is welcome to visit/edit it. They will keep their wiki for interested people associated with NVC in the north of england - see [http://www.nvcmanchester.org.uk NVC in Manchester area UK]. If at any time there is any content there which is helpful for the NVC wiki - anyone is free to copy it on there.

DieudonnÃ© is willing for the French content to move from the nvc-europe wiki to the nvcwiki.org server. Markus Pallo will set up a French wiki on this server.

We also decided to have another [[NVC Wiki Day]] - February 25. Some other things we talked about are noted in [[NVC Wiki Technical Issues]].

In order to gather people around this NVC wiki project, DieudonnÃ© request us to build a [[Project constitution]].

NVC people and organizations by area

2006-06-30T21:11:14Z

Sophie: /* United Kingdom */

Local NVC trainers and supporters through much of the world: http://cnvc.org/world.htm

Local NVC organizations listed at CNVC: http://cnvc.org/network.aspx (morecomplete than here, although we do have some that they don't)

A list of International Resources from [[April 2006]], some or all overlapping with the organized wiki list below (feel free to compare lists and integrate anything new from this one into the more user-friendly list below).

----

== International ==

* http://www.cnvc.org - Global
* http://nvc-europe.org/ - Europe

== Brazil ==

* http://www.cnvbrasil.org/

== Canada ==

* http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OGGiraffes/ - NVC in Ottawa-Gatineau area - calendar of events, articles, and an announcement list

== Estonia ==

* http://www.empaatia.ee

== Germany ==

* http://www.gewaltfrei.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-hannover.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-muenchen.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-reutlingen.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-stuttgart.de
* http://www.lebensgarten.de

== Sri Lanka ==

* http://sandhi.org/

== Sweden ==

http://www.nonviolentcommunication.nu/

== United Kingdom ==
* http://www.nvc-uk.info - The UK network of nonviolent communication trainers and organisers.
* http://www.nvcmanchester.org.uk - Compassionate communication in Manchester, Northern England, UK - local listings for NVC related websites

== United States ==

* http://psncc.org/ - Puget Sound Network for Compassionate Communication (northwest Washington State)
* http://www.orncc.net/ - Oregon Network for Compassionate Communication
* http://www.baynvc.org/ - (San Francisco) Bay Area Center for Nonviolent Communication
* http://www.nvcboston.org/
* http://www.nvcsarasota.com/ - Suncoast Network for Compassionate Communication (Florida's Central & Southern Gulfcoast)

Quotes

2006-06-30T21:08:33Z

Sophie:

'''Imagine''' connecting with the human spirit
in each person in any situation at any time

'''Imagine''' interacting with others in a way
that allows everyoneâ€™s need to be equally valued

'''Imagine''' creating organizations and life-serving
systems responsive to our needs
and the needs of our environment

- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

"Better than a thousand useless words is one single word, hearing which one attains peace" - Buddha - Dhammapada

----

"You donâ€™t have to be brilliant, Itâ€™s enough to become, Progressively less stupid" - Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

"All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"When we understand the needs that motivate our own and otherâ€™s behavior, we have no enemies." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Itâ€™s never what people do that make us angry, itâ€™s what we tell ourselves about what they did." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy out of other's service." - Lucy Leu

----

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens...." - Carl Jung

----

"Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll Meet you
There" - Rumi

----

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" - Unknown

----

"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give yourself to it." - Buddha

----

"If you can dream it, you can do it." - Walt Disney

----

"Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it, or you learn from it." - Rafiki in The Lion King

----

"This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it." - Lisa Kudrow

----

"What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful." - Dalai Lama

----

"It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts." - Ella Fitzgerald

----

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

----

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde

----

"People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within." - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----
"The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs, and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis and life-alienated analysis...
Analysis is a problem only when it gets disconnected from serving life." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary, the evil it does is permanent".
- Mahatma Gandhi

----

"You can observe a lot just by watching"
- Yogi Berra

----

"Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All things interconnect". - Chief Seattle

----

"The world will change for the better when people decide that they are sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and decide to change themselves". - Sidney Madwed

----

"If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going." - Irwin Corey

----

"O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your voice in all things." - Rumi

----

"If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?" - Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

"It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power, a co-active, not a coercive power." - Mary Parker Follett

----

"After all this time the sun never says to the earth 'You owe me' Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.
- Hafiz

----

"When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our common humanity." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this moment." - John Cunningham

----

"Appreciate you without judging. Join you without invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt." - Virgina Satir

----

"A need is life seeking expression within us." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." - Martin Luther King Jr.

----

"I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react to what they say." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

Also see:

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Quotes

2006-06-30T20:51:07Z

Sophie:

'''Imagine''' connecting with the human spirit
in each person in any situation at any time

'''Imagine''' interacting with others in a way
that allows everyoneâ€™s need to be equally valued

'''Imagine''' creating organizations and life-serving
systems responsive to our needs
and the needs of our environment

- Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

"Better than a thousand useless words full of meaning is one single word that gives peace" - Buddha - Dhammapada

----

"You donâ€™t have to be brilliant, Itâ€™s enough to become, Progressively less stupid" - Marshall B. Rosenberg

----

"All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"When we understand the needs that motivate our own and otherâ€™s behavior, we have no enemies." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Itâ€™s never what people do that make us angry, itâ€™s what we tell ourselves about what they did." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Making a request without revealing the feeling/need takes all the joy out of other's service." - Lucy Leu

----

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens...." - Carl Jung

----

"Out Beyond Ideas of Right Doing and Wrong Doing, There is a Field. I'll Meet you
There" - Rumi

----

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" - Unknown

----

"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give yourself to it." - Buddha

----

"If you can dream it, you can do it." - Walt Disney

----

"Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it, or you learn from it." - Rafiki in The Lion King

----

"This is who I am. Not everybody has to like it." - Lisa Kudrow

----

"What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful." - Dalai Lama

----

"It isn't where you come from, it's where you're going that counts." - Ella Fitzgerald

----

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

----

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde

----

"People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within." - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

----
"The Nonviolent Communication process focuses on what's alive in us and what would make life more wonderful. What's alive in us are our needs, and I'm talking about the universal needs, the ones all living creatures have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude the analytic. I simply differentiate between life-serving analysis and life-alienated analysis...
Analysis is a problem only when it gets disconnected from serving life." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary, the evil it does is permanent".
- Mahatma Gandhi

----

"You can observe a lot just by watching"
- Yogi Berra

----

"Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web he does to himself. All things are bound together. All things interconnect". - Chief Seattle

----

"The world will change for the better when people decide that they are sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and decide to change themselves". - Sidney Madwed

----

"If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going." - Irwin Corey

----

"O, Great Spirit, open my eyes, open heart's wings, open my ears to your voice in all things." - Rumi

----

"If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?" - Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

----

"It seems to me that whereas power usually means power-over, the power of some person or group over some other person or group, it is possible to develop the conception of power-with, a jointly developed power, a co-active, not a coercive power." - Mary Parker Follett

----

"After all this time the sun never says to the earth 'You owe me' Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.
- Hafiz

----

"When we hear the other person's feeling and needs, we recognize our common humanity." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Empathy is full presence to what's alive in the other person at this moment." - John Cunningham

----

"Appreciate you without judging. Join you without invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt." - Virgina Satir

----

"A need is life seeking expression within us." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." - Martin Luther King Jr.

----

"I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react to what they say." - Marshall Rosenberg

----

Also see:

* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi
* http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cesar_Chavez

[[fr:Citations]]
[[de:Zitate]]

Empathy

2006-06-30T20:34:34Z

Sophie:

Empathy is a quality of being present with someone, and going as deep as possible with what is most alive in the moment. One way we support this "going deep" in [[Nonviolent Communication]] is by inquiring about what [[need]] is present.

Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the [[four part model]], which looks like this:

When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______? Would you like ______ (request)?

Sometimes the request part may seem difficult at first, yet it can lead to remarkable depth of closeness and connection because it helps everyone get more clear on strategies that can lead to everyone's needs being met.

When expressed verbally, the four parts are generally phrased in the form of guesses. By guessing, we elicit a focused response from ourselves (self-empathy) or others that reframes our consciousness toward clarifying needs. NVC is thus a process of dialog that leads to mutual giving, rather than a goal-orientation based on statements of "fact."

Some specific examples:

* When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met? Would you like to share this moment?

* When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration? Would you like to find a compassionate way to let him to know you're upset?

* When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs for sustenancy and shelter). Would you be willing to let me know what comes up for you when you hear this?

The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - [[self-empathy]]). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are.

Often when people most need empathy is when they are least likely to behave in a way that stimulates other people to offer it. Such behavior might be called a "tragic" expression of a need. It might be helpful if we were able to imagine the word "Empathy" written in the air over the head of someone behaving in this way, as a reminder to offer them empathy.

----

Authors include: Judy in Vermont

----
Empathy is at the heart of Marshall's process. However it is a difficult thing describe and easy to misunderstand. Marshall's book defines '''empathy''' as:

* "A respectful understanding of what others are experiencing"
* "empathy occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgements"

If you want to check your understanding further, the earlier work of Carl Rogers (one of Marshall's teachers) is more explicit as illustrated by the following section from "On Becoming a Person" by Carl Rogers, 1961.

<div style="background: #eeeeff; margin:20px; padding:40px">
<p style="margin:25px;">
It is the most effective agent we know for altering the basic personality structure of an individual, and improving his relationships and his communications with others. If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems to him, if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent forces of change in him. If I can really understand how he hates his father, or hates the university, or hates communists -- if I can catch the flavour of his fear of insanity, or his fear of atom bombs, or of Russia -- it will be of the greatest help to him in altering those very hatreds and fears, and in establishing realistic and harmonious relationships with the very people and situations toward which he has felt hatred and fear. We know from our research that such empathic understanding -- understanding ''with'' a person, not ''about'' him -- is such an effective approach that it can bring about major changes in personality.
</p>

<p style="margin: 25px;">
Some of you may be feeling that you listen well to people, and that you have never seen such results. The chances are very great indeed that your listening has not been of the type I have described. Fortunately I can suggest a little laboratory experiment which you can try to test the quality of your understanding. The next time you get into an argument with your wife, or your friend, or with a small group of friends, just stop the discussion for a moment and for an experiment, institute this rule. "Each person can speak up for himself only ''after'' he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speaker's satisfaction." You see what this would mean. It would simply mean that before presenting your own point of view, it would be necessary for you to really achieve the other speaker's frame of reference -- to understand his thoughts and feelings so well that you could summarise them for him. Sounds simple, doesn't it? But if you try it you will discover it is one of the most difficult things you have ever tried to do. However, once you have been able to see the other's point of view, your own comments will have to be drastically revised. You wil also find the emotion going out of the discussion, the differences being reduced, and those differences which remain being of a rational and understandable sort.
</p>

<p style="margin:25px;">
Can you imagine what this kind of an approach would mean if it were projected into larger areas? What would happen to a labour management dispute if it was conducted in such a way that labor, without necessarily agreeing, could accurately state management's point of view in a way that management could accept; and management, without approving labour's stand, could state labour's case in a way that labour agreed was accurate? It would mean that real communication was established, and one could practically guarantee that some reasonable solution would be reached.
</p>
<p style="text-align:right;font-size:x-small;font-family:Verdana,Ariel,Helvetica,sans-serif;margin-top:-10px;">[page 332]</p>
</div>

==Congruence==
Fundamental to Roger's notion of empathic understanding is the concept of '''congruence''', - the degree to which our actual '''experience''', our '''awareness''' of it, and our '''communication''' are aligned. This sheds further light on the empathy, and in particular how '''authenticity''' is attained. It's by being congruent that authenticity is communicated, and this is one key to empathic connection.

This helps to explain why, when we think we are "following the process" (or more commonly when we think we've gone ''beyond'' the process and are doing the real thing), others do not respond to us as though we are being "empathic". Probably we are not, no matter how strongly we feel we are.

Here's a sample from "A General Law of Interpersonal Relationships" by Rogers where he illustrates how empathic understanding develops, using a protracted example dialogue - this is one snippet...

<div style="background: #eeeeff; margin:20px; padding:40px">
<p style="margin:25px;">
... The more Smith is congruent in the topic about which they are communicating, the less he has to defend himself against this area, and the more able he is to listen accurately to Jones' response. Putting it in other terms, Smith has expressed what he genuinely feels. He is therefore more free to listen. The less he is presenting a facade to be defended, the more he can listen accurately to what Jones is communicating...</p>

<p style="margin:25px;">
... he finds himself experiencing fewer barriers to communication. Hence he tends to communicate himself more as he is, more congruently. Little by little his defensiveness decreases.</p>

<p style="text-align:right;font-size:x-small;font-family:Verdana,Ariel,Helvetica,sans-serif;margin-top:-10px;">[page 343]</p>
</div>

As Rogers points out, there is an unexpected consequence of fully realised '''congruence'''. If we are truly congruent, fully aware of our experience, awareness of it and communication - then we cannot talk about ''external facts''. That is, we can only honestly talk about ''our experience'' of the world, not how things ''really are'', because that is really only opinion and interpretation. Compare this to Marshall's differentiation of observation and evaluation - which he uses Krishnamurti's quote to support.

==Safety==

Rogers also explains how the safety necessary for empathic connection develops. It is achieved through empathy itself. This from "Toward a Theory of Creativity".

<div style="background: #eeeeff; margin:20px; padding:40px">
<p style="margin:25px;">Understanding empathically. It is this which provides the ultimate in psychological safety... If I say that I "accept" you, but know nothing of you, this is a shallow acceptance indeed, and you realise that it may change if I actually come to know you. But if I understand you empathically, see you and what you are feeling and doing from your point of view, enter your private world and see it as it appears to you - and still accept you - then this is safety indeed. In this climate you can permit your real self to emerge, and to express itself in varied and novel formings as it relates to the world. This is the basic fostering of creativity.</p>
<p style="text-align:right;font-size:x-small;font-family:Verdana,Ariel,Helvetica,sans-serif;margin-top:-10px;">[page 358]</p>
</div>

With Giraffe ears we benefit from this safety ourselves, hence Marshall's introductory "After today, you will never hear criticism or blame..."

==Other notes from Carl Rogers==

If you would like to investigate Rogers further, here are a few sections from dipping in to "On becoming a person", that give a flavour of that work.

* Away from "oughts" [p168]
* Away from pleasing others [p170]
* Toward being process [p171]
* Social implications (of using Rogers' "path of life" in national and international negotiations) [p178]
* A Therapis's view of the Good life: The Fully Functioning Person [p183]
* Basic Trustworthiness of Human Nature [194]
* General Semantics - Rogers notes that his work has appeared in the Journal of the Society for General Semantics [329]
* An internal locus of evaluation - "that the source or locus of evaluative judgement is internal...value established not by the praise or criticism of others, but by himself" [p354]
* "... when we cease to form judgements of the other individual from our own locus of evaluation, we are fostering creativity" [p357]

Talk:Empathy

2006-06-30T20:33:27Z

Sophie:

Section on empathy included on behalf of Adrian West, from the [http://www.speakfreely.org.uk Speak Freely wiki] by Sophie.

Empathy

2006-06-30T20:29:26Z

Sophie:

Empathy is a quality of being present with someone, and going as deep as possible with what is most alive in the moment. One way we support this "going deep" in [[Nonviolent Communication]] is by inquiring about what [[need]] is present.

Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the [[four part model]], which looks like this:

When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______? Would you like ______ (request)?

Sometimes the request part may seem difficult at first, yet it can lead to remarkable depth of closeness and connection because it helps everyone get more clear on strategies that can lead to everyone's needs being met.

When expressed verbally, the four parts are generally phrased in the form of guesses. By guessing, we elicit a focused response from ourselves (self-empathy) or others that reframes our consciousness toward clarifying needs. NVC is thus a process of dialog that leads to mutual giving, rather than a goal-orientation based on statements of "fact."

Some specific examples:

* When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met? Would you like to share this moment?

* When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration? Would you like to find a compassionate way to let him to know you're upset?

* When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs for sustenancy and shelter). Would you be willing to let me know what comes up for you when you hear this?

The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - [[self-empathy]]). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are.

Often when people most need empathy is when they are least likely to behave in a way that stimulates other people to offer it. Such behavior might be called a "tragic" expression of a need. It might be helpful if we were able to imagine the word "Empathy" written in the air over the head of someone behaving in this way, as a reminder to offer them empathy.

----

Authors include: Judy in Vermont

----
Empathy is at the heart of Marshall's process. However it is a difficult thing describe and easy to misunderstand. Marshall's book defines '''empathy''' as:

* "A respectful understanding of what others are experiencing"
* "empathy occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgements"

If you want to check your understanding further, the earlier work of Carl Rogers (one of Marshall's teachers) is more explicit as illustrated by the following section from "On Becoming a Person" by Carl Rogers, 1961.

<div class="quotedtext">
It is the most effective agent we know for altering the basic personality structure of an individual, and improving his relationships and his communications with others. If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems to him, if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent forces of change in him. If I can really understand how he hates his father, or hates the university, or hates communists -- if I can catch the flavour of his fear of insanity, or his fear of atom bombs, or of Russia -- it will be of the greatest help to him in altering those very hatreds and fears, and in establishing realistic and harmonious relationships with the very people and situations toward which he has felt hatred and fear. We know from our research that such empathic understanding -- understanding ''with'' a person, not ''about'' him -- is such an effective approach that it can bring about major changes in personality.

Some of you may be feeling that you listen well to people, and that you have never seen such results. The chances are very great indeed that your listening has not been of the type I have described. Fortunately I can suggest a little laboratory experiment which you can try to test the quality of your understanding. The next time you get into an argument with your wife, or your friend, or with a small group of friends, just stop the discussion for a moment and for an experiment, institute this rule. "Each person can speak up for himself only ''after'' he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speaker's satisfaction." You see what this would mean. It would simply mean that before presenting your own point of view, it would be necessary for you to really achieve the other speaker's frame of reference -- to understand his thoughts and feelings so well that you could summarise them for him. Sounds simple, doesn't it? But if you try it you will discover it is one of the most difficult things you have ever tried to do. However, once you have been able to see the other's point of view, your own comments will have to be drastically revised. You wil also find the emotion going out of the discussion, the differences being reduced, and those differences which remain being of a rational and understandable sort.

Can you imagine what this kind of an approach would mean if it were projected into larger areas? What would happen to a labour management dispute if it was conducted in such a way that labor, without necessarily agreeing, could accurately state management's point of view in a way that management could accept; and management, without approving labour's stand, could state labour's case in a way that labour agreed was accurate? It would mean that real communication was established, and one could practically guarantee that some reasonable solution would be reached.
<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 332]</p>
</div>

==Congruence==
Fundamental to Roger's notion of empathic understanding is the concept of '''congruence''', - the degree to which our actual '''experience''', our '''awareness''' of it, and our '''communication''' are aligned. This sheds further light on the empathy, and in particular how '''authenticity''' is attained. It's by being congruent that authenticity is communicated, and this is one key to empathic connection.

I think this also helps to explain why, when we think we are "following the process" (or more commonly when we think we've gone ''beyond'' the process and are doing the real thing), others do not respond to us as though we are being "empathic". Probably we are not, no matter how strongly we feel we are.

Here's a sample from "A General Law of Interpersonal Relationships" by Rogers where he illustrates how empathic understanding develops, using a protracted example dialogue - this is one snippet...

<div class="quotedtext">
... The more Smith is congruent in the topic about which they are communicating, the less he has to defend himself against this area, and the more able he is to listen accurately to Jones' response. Putting it in other terms, Smith has expressed what he genuinely feels. He is therefore more free to listen. The less he is presenting a facade to be defended, the more he can listen accurately to what Jones is communicating...

... he finds himself experiencing fewer barriers to communication. Hence he tends to communicate himself more as he is, more congruently. Little by little his defensiveness decreases.

<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 343]</p>
</div>

As Rogers points out, there is an unexpected consequence of fully realised '''congruence'''. If we are truly congruent, fully aware of our experience, awareness of it and communication - then we cannot talk about ''external facts''. That is, we can only honestly talk about ''our experience'' of the world, not how things ''really are'', because that is really only opinion and interpretation. Compare this to Marshall's differentiation of observation and evaluation - which he uses Krishnamurti's quote to support.

==Safety==

Rogers also explains how the safety necessary for empathic connection develops. It is achieved through empathy itself. This from "Toward a Theory of Creativity".

<div class="quotedtext">
Understanding empathically. It is this which provides the ultimate in psychological safety... If I say that I "accept" you, but know nothing of you, this is a shallow acceptance indeed, and you realise that it may change if I actually come to know you. But if I understand you empathically, see you and what you are feeling and doing from your point of view, enter your private world and see it as it appears to you - and still accept you - then this is safety indeed. In this climate you can permit your real self to emerge, and to express itself in varied and novel formings as it relates to the world. This is the basic fostering of creativity.
<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 358]</p>
</div>

You could compare that to Marshall's two-way version when he begins introductory teaching sessions "After today, you will never hear criticism or blame..."

==Other notes from Carl Rogers==

There are many things from Marshall's process that can be found, either complete, or presaged in Rogers, which to me is a rather wonderful thing as I like the interconnectivity of it all. Here's a few sections from dipping in to the book. I hope to read Roger's work more fully, and get around to making a comprehensive commentary on it.

* Away from "oughts" [p168]
* Away from pleasing others [p170]
* Toward being process [p171]
* Social implications (of using Rogers' "path of life" in national and international negotiations) [p178]
* A Therapis's view of the Good life: The Fully Functioning Person [p183]
* Basic Trustworthiness of Human Nature [194]
* General Semantics - Rogers notes that his work has appeared in the Journal of the Society for General Semantics [329]
* An internal locus of evaluation - "that the source or locus of evaluative judgement is internal...value established not by the praise or criticism of others, but by himself" [p354]
* "... when we cease to form judgements of the other individual from our own locus of evaluation, we are fostering creativity" [p357]

Empathy

2006-06-30T20:28:11Z

Sophie:

Empathy is a quality of being present with someone, and going as deep as possible with what is most alive in the moment. One way we support this "going deep" in [[Nonviolent Communication]] is by inquiring about what [[need]] is present.

Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the [[four part model]], which looks like this:

When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______? Would you like ______ (request)?

Sometimes the request part may seem difficult at first, yet it can lead to remarkable depth of closeness and connection because it helps everyone get more clear on strategies that can lead to everyone's needs being met.

When expressed verbally, the four parts are generally phrased in the form of guesses. By guessing, we elicit a focused response from ourselves (self-empathy) or others that reframes our consciousness toward clarifying needs. NVC is thus a process of dialog that leads to mutual giving, rather than a goal-orientation based on statements of "fact."

Some specific examples:

* When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met? Would you like to share this moment?

* When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration? Would you like to find a compassionate way to let him to know you're upset?

* When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs for sustenancy and shelter). Would you be willing to let me know what comes up for you when you hear this?

The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - [[self-empathy]]). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are.

Often when people most need empathy is when they are least likely to behave in a way that stimulates other people to offer it. Such behavior might be called a "tragic" expression of a need. It might be helpful if we were able to imagine the word "Empathy" written in the air over the head of someone behaving in this way, as a reminder to offer them empathy.

----

Authors include: Judy in Vermont

----
Empathy is at the heart of Marshall's process. However it is a difficult thing describe and easy to misunderstand. Marshall's book defines '''empathy''' as:

* "A respectful understanding of what others are experiencing"
* "empathy occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgements"

If you want to check your understanding further, the earlier work of Carl Rogers (one of Marshall's teachers) is more explicit as illustrated by the following section from "On Becoming a Person" by Carl Rogers, 1961.

<div class="quotedtext">
"It is the most effective agent we know for altering the basic personality structure of an individual, and improving his relationships and his communications with others. If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems to him, if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent forces of change in him. If I can really understand how he hates his father, or hates the university, or hates communists -- if I can catch the flavour of his fear of insanity, or his fear of atom bombs, or of Russia -- it will be of the greatest help to him in altering those very hatreds and fears, and in establishing realistic and harmonious relationships with the very people and situations toward which he has felt hatred and fear. We know from our research that such empathic understanding -- understanding ''with'' a person, not ''about'' him -- is such an effective approach that it can bring about major changes in personality.

Some of you may be feeling that you listen well to people, and that you have never seen such results. The chances are very great indeed that your listening has not been of the type I have described. Fortunately I can suggest a little laboratory experiment which you can try to test the quality of your understanding. The next time you get into an argument with your wife, or your friend, or with a small group of friends, just stop the discussion for a moment and for an experiment, institute this rule. "Each person can speak up for himself only ''after'' he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speaker's satisfaction." You see what this would mean. It would simply mean that before presenting your own point of view, it would be necessary for you to really achieve the other speaker's frame of reference -- to understand his thoughts and feelings so well that you could summarise them for him. Sounds simple, doesn't it? But if you try it you will discover it is one of the most difficult things you have ever tried to do. However, once you have been able to see the other's point of view, your own comments will have to be drastically revised. You wil also find the emotion going out of the discussion, the differences being reduced, and those differences which remain being of a rational and understandable sort.

Can you imagine what this kind of an approach would mean if it were projected into larger areas? What would happen to a labour management dispute if it was conducted in such a way that labor, without necessarily agreeing, could accurately state management's point of view in a way that management could accept; and management, without approving labour's stand, could state labour's case in a way that labour agreed was accurate? It would mean that real communication was established, and one could practically guarantee that some reasonable solution would be reached."
<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 332]</p>
</div>

==Congruence==
Fundamental to Roger's notion of empathic understanding is the concept of '''congruence''', - the degree to which our actual '''experience''', our '''awareness''' of it, and our '''communication''' are aligned. This sheds further light on the empathy, and in particular how '''authenticity''' is attained. It's by being congruent that authenticity is communicated, and this is one key to empathic connection.

I think this also helps to explain why, when we think we are "following the process" (or more commonly when we think we've gone ''beyond'' the process and are doing the real thing), others do not respond to us as though we are being "empathic". Probably we are not, no matter how strongly we feel we are.

Here's a sample from "A General Law of Interpersonal Relationships" by Rogers where he illustrates how empathic understanding develops, using a protracted example dialogue - this is one snippet...

<div class="quotedtext">
... The more Smith is congruent in the topic about which they are communicating, the less he has to defend himself against this area, and the more able he is to listen accurately to Jones' response. Putting it in other terms, Smith has expressed what he genuinely feels. He is therefore more free to listen. The less he is presenting a facade to be defended, the more he can listen accurately to what Jones is communicating...

... he finds himself experiencing fewer barriers to communication. Hence he tends to communicate himself more as he is, more congruently. Little by little his defensiveness decreases.

<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 343]</p>
</div>

As Rogers points out, there is an unexpected consequence of fully realised '''congruence'''. If we are truly congruent, fully aware of our experience, awareness of it and communication - then we cannot talk about ''external facts''. That is, we can only honestly talk about ''our experience'' of the world, not how things ''really are'', because that is really only opinion and interpretation. Compare this to Marshall's differentiation of observation and evaluation - which he uses Krishnamurti's quote to support.

==Safety==

Rogers also explains how the safety necessary for empathic connection develops. It is achieved through empathy itself. This from "Toward a Theory of Creativity".

<div class="quotedtext">
Understanding empathically. It is this which provides the ultimate in psychological safety... If I say that I "accept" you, but know nothing of you, this is a shallow acceptance indeed, and you realise that it may change if I actually come to know you. But if I understand you empathically, see you and what you are feeling and doing from your point of view, enter your private world and see it as it appears to you - and still accept you - then this is safety indeed. In this climate you can permit your real self to emerge, and to express itself in varied and novel formings as it relates to the world. This is the basic fostering of creativity.
<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 358]</p>
</div>

You could compare that to Marshall's two-way version when he begins introductory teaching sessions "After today, you will never hear criticism or blame..."

==Other notes from Carl Rogers==

There are many things from Marshall's process that can be found, either complete, or presaged in Rogers, which to me is a rather wonderful thing as I like the interconnectivity of it all. Here's a few sections from dipping in to the book. I hope to read Roger's work more fully, and get around to making a comprehensive commentary on it.

* Away from "oughts" [p168]
* Away from pleasing others [p170]
* Toward being process [p171]
* Social implications (of using Rogers' "path of life" in national and international negotiations) [p178]
* A Therapis's view of the Good life: The Fully Functioning Person [p183]
* Basic Trustworthiness of Human Nature [194]
* General Semantics - Rogers notes that his work has appeared in the Journal of the Society for General Semantics [329]
* An internal locus of evaluation - "that the source or locus of evaluative judgement is internal...value established not by the praise or criticism of others, but by himself" [p354]
* "... when we cease to form judgements of the other individual from our own locus of evaluation, we are fostering creativity" [p357]

Empathy

2006-06-30T20:28:00Z

Sophie:

NVC people and organizations by area

2006-06-30T20:20:35Z

Sophie: /* United Kingdom */

Local NVC trainers and supporters through much of the world: http://cnvc.org/world.htm

Local NVC organizations listed at CNVC: http://cnvc.org/network.aspx (morecomplete than here, although we do have some that they don't)

A list of International Resources from [[April 2006]], some or all overlapping with the organized wiki list below (feel free to compare lists and integrate anything new from this one into the more user-friendly list below).

----

== International ==

* http://www.cnvc.org - Global
* http://nvc-europe.org/ - Europe

== Brazil ==

* http://www.cnvbrasil.org/

== Canada ==

* http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OGGiraffes/ - NVC in Ottawa-Gatineau area - calendar of events, articles, and an announcement list

== Estonia ==

* http://www.empaatia.ee

== Germany ==

* http://www.gewaltfrei.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-hannover.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-muenchen.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-reutlingen.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-stuttgart.de
* http://www.lebensgarten.de

== Sri Lanka ==

* http://sandhi.org/

== Sweden ==

http://www.nonviolentcommunication.nu/

== United Kingdom ==
* http://www.nvc-uk.info - The UK network of nonviolent communication trainers and organisers.
* http://www.nvcmanchester.org.uk - Compassionate communication in Manchester, Northern England, UK - listings for NVC related websites

== United States ==

* http://psncc.org/ - Puget Sound Network for Compassionate Communication (northwest Washington State)
* http://www.orncc.net/ - Oregon Network for Compassionate Communication
* http://www.baynvc.org/ - (San Francisco) Bay Area Center for Nonviolent Communication
* http://www.nvcboston.org/
* http://www.nvcsarasota.com/ - Suncoast Network for Compassionate Communication (Florida's Central & Southern Gulfcoast)

NVC people and organizations by area

2006-06-30T20:18:38Z

Sophie:

Local NVC trainers and supporters through much of the world: http://cnvc.org/world.htm

Local NVC organizations listed at CNVC: http://cnvc.org/network.aspx (morecomplete than here, although we do have some that they don't)

A list of International Resources from [[April 2006]], some or all overlapping with the organized wiki list below (feel free to compare lists and integrate anything new from this one into the more user-friendly list below).

----

== International ==

* http://www.cnvc.org - Global
* http://nvc-europe.org/ - Europe

== Brazil ==

* http://www.cnvbrasil.org/

== Canada ==

* http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OGGiraffes/ - NVC in Ottawa-Gatineau area - calendar of events, articles, and an announcement list

== Estonia ==

* http://www.empaatia.ee

== Germany ==

* http://www.gewaltfrei.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-hannover.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-muenchen.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-reutlingen.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-stuttgart.de
* http://www.lebensgarten.de

== Sri Lanka ==

* http://sandhi.org/

== Sweden ==

http://www.nonviolentcommunication.nu/

== United Kingdom ==
* http://www.nvc-uk.info - The UK network of nonviolent communication trainers and organisers.
* http://www.nvcmanchester.org.uk - Compassionate communication in Manchester UK - listings for NVC related websites

== United States ==

* http://psncc.org/ - Puget Sound Network for Compassionate Communication (northwest Washington State)
* http://www.orncc.net/ - Oregon Network for Compassionate Communication
* http://www.baynvc.org/ - (San Francisco) Bay Area Center for Nonviolent Communication
* http://www.nvcboston.org/
* http://www.nvcsarasota.com/ - Suncoast Network for Compassionate Communication (Florida's Central & Southern Gulfcoast)

NVC people and organizations by area

2006-06-30T20:16:50Z

Sophie:

Local NVC trainers and supporters through much of the world: http://cnvc.org/world.htm

Local NVC organizations listed at CNVC: http://cnvc.org/network.aspx (morecomplete than here, although we do have some that they don't)

A list of International Resources from [[April 2006]], some or all overlapping with the organized wiki list below (feel free to compare lists and integrate anything new from this one into the more user-friendly list below).

----

== International ==

* http://www.cnvc.org - Global
* http://nvc-europe.org/ - Europe

== Brazil ==

* http://www.cnvbrasil.org/

== Canada ==

* http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OGGiraffes/ - NVC in Ottawa-Gatineau area - calendar of events, articles, and an announcement list

== Estonia ==

* http://www.empaatia.ee

== Germany ==

* http://www.gewaltfrei.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-hannover.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-muenchen.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-reutlingen.de
* http://www.gewaltfrei-stuttgart.de
* http://www.lebensgarten.de

== Sri Lanka ==

* http://sandhi.org/

== Sweden ==

http://www.nonviolentcommunication.nu/

== United Kingdom ==
* http://www.nvc-uk.info - The UK network of nonviolent communication trainers and organisers.
* http://www.nvcmanchester.org - Compassionate communication in Manchester UK - listings for NVC related websites

== United States ==

* http://psncc.org/ - Puget Sound Network for Compassionate Communication (northwest Washington State)
* http://www.orncc.net/ - Oregon Network for Compassionate Communication
* http://www.baynvc.org/ - (San Francisco) Bay Area Center for Nonviolent Communication
* http://www.nvcboston.org/
* http://www.nvcsarasota.com/ - Suncoast Network for Compassionate Communication (Florida's Central & Southern Gulfcoast)

Empathy

2006-06-30T20:03:21Z

Sophie:

Empathy is a quality of being present with someone, and going as deep as possible with what is most alive in the moment. One way we support this "going deep" in [[Nonviolent Communication]] is by inquiring about what [[need]] is present.

Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the [[four part model]], which looks like this:

When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______? Would you like ______ (request)?

Sometimes the request part may seem difficult at first, yet it can lead to remarkable depth of closeness and connection because it helps everyone get more clear on strategies that can lead to everyone's needs being met.

When expressed verbally, the four parts are generally phrased in the form of guesses. By guessing, we elicit a focused response from ourselves (self-empathy) or others that reframes our consciousness toward clarifying needs. NVC is thus a process of dialog that leads to mutual giving, rather than a goal-orientation based on statements of "fact."

Some specific examples:

* When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met? Would you like to share this moment?

* When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration? Would you like to find a compassionate way to let him to know you're upset?

* When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs for sustenancy and shelter). Would you be willing to let me know what comes up for you when you hear this?

The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - [[self-empathy]]). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are.

Often when people most need empathy is when they are least likely to behave in a way that stimulates other people to offer it. Such behavior might be called a "tragic" expression of a need. It might be helpful if we were able to imagine the word "Empathy" written in the air over the head of someone behaving in this way, as a reminder to offer them empathy.

----

Authors include: Judy in Vermont

----
Empathy is at the heart of Marshall's process. However it is a difficult thing describe and easy to misunderstand. Marshall's book defines '''empathy''' as:

* "A respectful understanding of what others are experiencing"
* "empathy occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgements"

If you want to check your understanding further, the earlier work of Carl Rogers (one of Marshall's teachers) is more explicit as illustrated by the following section from "On Becoming a Person" by Carl Rogers, 1961.

<div class="quotedtext">
It is the most effective agent we know for altering the basic personality structure of an individual, and improving his relationships and his communications with others. If I can listen to what he can tell me, if I can understand how it seems to him, if I can see its personal meaning for him, if I can sense the emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent forces of change in him. If I can really understand how he hates his father, or hates the university, or hates communists -- if I can catch the flavour of his fear of insanity, or his fear of atom bombs, or of Russia -- it will be of the greatest help to him in altering those very hatreds and fears, and in establishing realistic and harmonious relationships with the very people and situations toward which he has felt hatred and fear. We know from our research that such empathic understanding -- understanding ''with'' a person, not ''about'' him -- is such an effective approach that it can bring about major changes in personality.

Some of you may be feeling that you listen well to people, and that you have never seen such results. The chances are very great indeed that your listening has not been of the type I have described. Fortunately I can suggest a little laboratory experiment which you can try to test the quality of your understanding. The next time you get into an argument with your wife, or your friend, or with a small group of friends, just stop the discussion for a moment and for an experiment, institute this rule. "Each person can speak up for himself only ''after'' he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speaker's satisfaction." You see what this would mean. It would simply mean that before presenting your own point of view, it would be necessary for you to really achieve the other speaker's frame of reference -- to understand his thoughts and feelings so well that you could summarise them for him. Sounds simple, doesn't it? But if you try it you will discover it is one of the most difficult things you have ever tried to do. However, once you have been able to see the other's point of view, your own comments will have to be drastically revised. You wil also find the emotion going out of the discussion, the differences being reduced, and those differences which remain being of a rational and understandable sort.

Can you imagine what this kind of an approach would mean if it were projected into larger areas? What would happen to a labour management dispute if it was conducted in such a way that labor, without necessarily agreeing, could accurately state management's point of view in a way that management could accept; and management, without approving labour's stand, could state labour's case in a way that labour agreed was accurate? It would mean that real communication was established, and one could practically guarantee that some reasonable solution would be reached.
<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 332]</p>
</div>

==Congruence==
Fundamental to Roger's notion of empathic understanding is the concept of '''congruence''', - the degree to which our actual '''experience''', our '''awareness''' of it, and our '''communication''' are aligned. This sheds further light on the empathy, and in particular how '''authenticity''' is attained. It's by being congruent that authenticity is communicated, and this is one key to empathic connection.

I think this also helps to explain why, when we think we are "following the process" (or more commonly when we think we've gone ''beyond'' the process and are doing the real thing), others do not respond to us as though we are being "empathic". Probably we are not, no matter how strongly we feel we are.

Here's a sample from "A General Law of Interpersonal Relationships" by Rogers where he illustrates how empathic understanding develops, using a protracted example dialogue - this is one snippet...

<div class="quotedtext">
... The more Smith is congruent in the topic about which they are communicating, the less he has to defend himself against this area, and the more able he is to listen accurately to Jones' response. Putting it in other terms, Smith has expressed what he genuinely feels. He is therefore more free to listen. The less he is presenting a facade to be defended, the more he can listen accurately to what Jones is communicating...

... he finds himself experiencing fewer barriers to communication. Hence he tends to communicate himself more as he is, more congruently. Little by little his defensiveness decreases.

<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 343]</p>
</div>

As Rogers points out, there is an unexpected consequence of fully realised '''congruence'''. If we are truly congruent, fully aware of our experience, awareness of it and communication - then we cannot talk about ''external facts''. That is, we can only honestly talk about ''our experience'' of the world, not how things ''really are'', because that is really only opinion and interpretation. Compare this to Marshall's differentiation of observation and evaluation - which he uses Krishnamurti's quote to support.

==Safety==

Rogers also explains how the safety necessary for empathic connection develops. It is achieved through empathy itself. This from "Toward a Theory of Creativity".

<div class="quotedtext">
Understanding empathically. It is this which provides the ultimate in psychological safety... If I say that I "accept" you, but know nothing of you, this is a shallow acceptance indeed, and you realise that it may change if I actually come to know you. But if I understand you empathically, see you and what you are feeling and doing from your point of view, enter your private world and see it as it appears to you - and still accept you - then this is safety indeed. In this climate you can permit your real self to emerge, and to express itself in varied and novel formings as it relates to the world. This is the basic fostering of creativity.
<p class="quotedtext_author">[page 358]</p>
</div>

You could compare that to Marshall's two-way version when he begins introductory teaching sessions "After today, you will never hear criticism or blame..."

==Other notes from Carl Rogers==

There are many things from Marshall's process that can be found, either complete, or presaged in Rogers, which to me is a rather wonderful thing as I like the interconnectivity of it all. Here's a few sections from dipping in to the book. I hope to read Roger's work more fully, and get around to making a comprehensive commentary on it.

* Away from "oughts" [p168]
* Away from pleasing others [p170]
* Toward being process [p171]
* Social implications (of using Rogers' "path of life" in national and international negotiations) [p178]
* A Therapis's view of the Good life: The Fully Functioning Person [p183]
* Basic Trustworthiness of Human Nature [194]
* General Semantics - Rogers notes that his work has appeared in the Journal of the Society for General Semantics [329]
* An internal locus of evaluation - "that the source or locus of evaluative judgement is internal...value established not by the praise or criticism of others, but by himself" [p354]
* "... when we cease to form judgements of the other individual from our own locus of evaluation, we are fostering creativity" [p357]

User:Sophie

2006-06-30T18:38:18Z

Sophie:

Sophie Brown

Manchester

UK

== Contacting Sophie ==
; E-mail
: [mailto:sophie@goldleafdesigns.co.uk Email Sophie]
; Website
:[http://www.goldleafdesigns.co.uk/ Gold Leaf Designs]
; NVC Practice group Website
:[http://www.speakfreely.org.uk/ Speak Freely]
;Phone
:Skype - search on name

User:Sophie

2006-06-30T18:37:23Z

Sophie:

Sophie Brown

Manchester

UK

== Contacting Sophie ==
; E-mail
: [mailto:sophie@goldleafdesigns.co.uk Email Sophie]
; Website
:http://www.goldleafdesigns.co.uk/
; NVC Practice group Website
:http://www.speakfreely.org.uk/
;Phone
:Skype - search on name

User:Sophie

2006-06-30T18:35:53Z

Sophie:

Sophie Brown

Manchester

UK

== Contacting Sophie ==
; E-mail
: sophie@goldleafdesigns.co.uk
; Website
:http://www.goldleafdesigns.co.uk/
; NVC Practice group Website
:http://www.speakfreely.org.uk/
;Phone
:Skype - search on name

Many NVC wikis

2006-03-26T16:39:57Z

Sophie:

== Known NVC wikis ==

* [http://empathycollective.net/wiki/ Empathy Collective] ( start : 13 December 2004 ) - on [[compassionate anarchism]], which includes [[NVC]] and other practices (e.g. [[wikipedia:Focusing|Focusing]]) and ideas (such as those of [[wikipedia:Carl Rogers|Carl Rogers]], [[Diogenes]] of Sinope, [[Max Stirner]], [[wikipedia:Mike Tyson|Mike Tyson]], [[wikipedia:Abraham Lincoln|Abraham Lincoln]] & many more in context to [[NVC]])
* [http://nvc-europe.org/wiki/ NVCwiki] ( start : 24 April 2005 ) - mostly French
* [http://www.nvcwiki.com/ NVC Wiki] (this one :-) ( start : 13 July 2005 )
* [http://www.speakfreely.org.uk/notes/ speak freely] ( start : 24 November 2005 )
* [http://nvcworld.net/wiki/ NVC World] ( start : 5 December 2005 )
* [http://www.empaatia.ee EMPAATIA.ee] Estonian NVC friends home page (start Dec 2005)

----

Several of us (John Abbe, Sophie Brown, DieudonnÃ©, Markus Wittwer, Markus Pallo at the beginning) had a phone call January 24, 2005 about some of these wikis.

Sophie will move the general-interest NVC content from the speak freely wiki to nvcwiki.com. They will keep their wiki for organizing their local [[practice group]]s.

DieudonnÃ© is willing for the French content to move from the nvc-europe wiki to the nvcwiki.org server. Markus Pallo will set up a French wiki on this server.

We also decided to have another [[NVC Wiki Day]] - February 25. Some other things we talked about are noted in [[NVC Wiki Technical Issues]].

In order to gather people around this NVC wiki project, DieudonnÃ© request us to build a [[Project constitution]].

NVC Wiki Technical Issues

2006-02-25T19:29:16Z

Sophie: /* Design */

http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_User's_Guide

== Design ==

[[User:Sophie]] will contact [[User:Markus Pallo]] about [[NVC Wiki design]]. [[User:Jason Felice]] is also involved in this effort.

Notes and Ideas: multiplicity and connection (eg. leaves of a tree...variations on a theme...)

A subtitle for the title NVC WIKI? eg. Connecting the world with Empathy... compassionate connection through nonviolent communication ....collaborating with compassion to create a resource for nonviolent communication around the globe...your ideas?

===Opportunities for design===
Some of the obvious things that ''could'' be redesigned
* site front page
* logo/image (top left)
* everything that can be changed via the mutable css.
** 'frame' background colour/image, text
** frame tabs - colours, text, shape?
** page background colour, text
** body text styles
** navigation panel colours, border, text

== Site URL ==

Many of us prefer nvcwiki.org to nvcwiki.com, and no one has objected yet. Markus Pallo will look into changing it to so that nvcwiki.com gets redirected to nvcwiki.org (the opposite of how it is now).

== Capitalization ==

Is it possible to have MediaWiki ignore capitalization, so that a link to "Social change" goes to a page called "Social Change" ? (and vice-versa)

As far as i understood the first letter wil be automatically uppercased. And i read the roadmap for the major plans for release 1.6 there is "Case-insensitive, case-preserving page titles" feature planned. see http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_roadmap

== SisterSites ==

Check if/how [[MediaWiki]] supports SisterSites. SisterSites is a feature which links wikis together. On any page which has the same name as pages on other wikis (those selected as "sisters" of the origin wiki), links automatically appear to those other wikis. See http://ourpla.net/cgi/pikie?SisterSites

== Multilingual wiki ==
'''Help''' by WikiMedia :
*[http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Guide_for_system_administrators_for_setting_up_interwiki_linking#language_links language links] (Guide for system administrators for setting up interwiki linking)
*[http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Interwiki_linking#Interlanguage_link_.28software_feature.29 Interlanguage link (software feature)] (Interwiki linking)
*[http://meta.wikipedia.org/wiki/MediaWiki_i18n Documentation on customizing the interface for different languages]

=== InterWiki links ===

'''Two''' ways to create links pointing to other languages pages in the same wiki :
* a link which will appear in the left column
: '''Example 1''' <code><nowiki>[[fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]</nowiki></code> appears on this page below the tab ''in other languages'' [[fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]
* a link wich will remain in the right part of the page
: '''Example 2''' <code><nowiki>[[:fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]</nowiki></code> becomes [[:fr:NVC Wiki - Questions techniques]]

== Other ways the net/computers can support NVC ==

=== www.nvctorrents.org ===
Initiate a website providing the quality of interactions one can find here :
* http://chomskytorrents.org/ using [[wikipedia:BitTorrent|BitTorrent]] technology

Here is an example :
* http://dieudo.dyndns.org:6969/
** the conference ('''ConferenceNantes2003''') one can find there is both in english and french, was given by Marshall B. Rosenberg during 2003 at Nantes, France, and translated in french by Godfrey Spencer and Anne Bourrit. It can be downloaded with free/open source softwares, as described for [[wikipedia:BitTorrent|BitTorrent]].
** it is also described here : http://dieudo.dyndns.org/Conference-de-Nantes [fr]

=== Other CMS for NVC ===

Here are the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Content_management_system CMS] being used or considered for and by the NVC World's networks :

*[http://spip.net SPIP] used for [http://nvc-europe.org/SPIP nvc-europe.org/SPIP]

*[http://drupal.org Drupal], [http://plone.org Plone], [http://typo3.org Typo3] being considered by the [http://cnvc.org CNVC]

==== Comparison tools ====

* http://www.wikimatrix.org/
* http://www.cmsmatrix.org/
* http://www.opensourcecms.com where you can test many CMS (public and private part). The ones using PHP and MySQL (for others, see for example [http://www.opensourcecms.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=246&Itemid=0 what is said about plone]) .

Key differentiations

2006-02-25T19:20:29Z

Sophie: /* Differentiations about empathy */

Some key differentiations in [[Nonviolent Communication]]. Note that in none of these cases are we judging these as right and wrong, we are just trying to be clear, and often suggesting that one approach or the other might produce better results. Try things out for yourself!

==Differentiations about the [[four part model]]==
* [[Observation vs. Evaluation]]
* [[Feeling vs. Thought]]
* [[Need vs. Strategy or request]]
* [[Request vs. Demand]]
* [[Persisting vs. Demanding]]

==Differentiations about empathy==
* [[Being giraffe vs. Doing giraffe]]
* [[Empathy vs. Sympathy]]
* [[Empathy vs. Advice]]
* [[Empathy vs. Analysis]]
* [[Empathy vs. Reassurance]]
* [[Empathy vs. Storytelling]]
* [[Guessing vs. Knowing]]
* [[Empathic sensing vs. Intellectual guessing]]
* Ten non-empathic forms: advising, one-upping, educating, consoling, story telling, shutting down, sympathising, interrogating, explaining, correcting (see the nvc book).

==Jackal/Giraffe differentiations==
* [[Power-with vs. Power-over]]
* [[Choice vs. Submission or rebellion]]
* [[Interdependence vs. Dependence or independence]]
* [[Giraffe honesty vs. Jackal honesty]]
* [[Protective use of force vs. Punitive use of force]]
* [[Appreciation vs. Approval, compliments or praise]]
* [[Value judgment vs. Moralistic judgment]]
* [[Life-connected vs. Life-alienated]]
* [[Shift vs. Compromise]]
* [[Respect for authority vs. Fear of authority]]
* [[Vulnerability vs. Weakness]]
* [[Self-empathy vs. Acting out, repressing, or wallowing]]
* [[Being nice vs. Giraffe]]

==Miscellaneous==
* [[Idiomatic giraffe vs. Classical giraffe]]
* [[Stimulus vs. Cause]]
* [[Natural vs. Habitual]]
* [[Love as a need vs. Love as a feeling]]
* [[Mourning vs. Giving up]]
* [[Self-discipline vs. Obedience]]
* [[Instrinsic motivation vs. Extrinsic motivation]]
* [[Self & other vs. Jackal & giraffe]]
* [[Exchange vs. Gifting]]

[[fr:DiffÃ©renciations clefs]]

Talk:Practice group exercises

2006-02-25T18:45:19Z

Sophie:

Once there's a volume of contributions here, perhaps it could be organised into categories for different types of exercise - so it's easier navigate.

Practice group exercises

2006-02-25T18:43:02Z

Sophie:

Greetings fellow [[NVC]] addicts, fanatics and trainers!

I host a weekly NVC [[practice group]] at my house these days, and at it
I've come upon the idea of a strategy that I hope would meet needs for
abundance of possibilities and choice. Sound cool? Well, here's the
situation...

Pretty much every week we begin with an initial moment of silence and
then a go-around [[check-in]]. Then I ask everyone - what do ya'll want to
DO with the rest of the time here? That usually stops people dead in
their tracks.

Most people who attend my group are stumbling little baby [[giraffe]]s,
people who periodically have their herbivorous giraffe teeth suddenly
transmogrify into [[jackal]] carnivorous teeth - and then the
blood-letting ensues. They often have a sense as to how they are
[[feeling]], and have a dim sense as to what they are [[need]]ing, but damned
if they know what clear and doable [[request]]s they can make in hopes of
making productive (relevant, aware, needs-meeting) use of our time
together.

Upon reflection on all of this, and conversation with those in the
group, I've come to understand that most really do not know WHAT
different possibilities exist out there to make use of NVC practice
group time. Sure, we all know and love the standard NVC practice group
fare - empathy, role-plays, and Lucy Leu's workbook. But - what ELSE
is out there in the realm of possibilities - NVC-wise? Acacia leaves
are cool and all, but I have a sense that other greenery exists out
there to be consumed.

I then thought - I'd like to make a list of all this. As far as I
know, no comprehensive list exists out there of all of the different
possibilities of what one can do with NVC practice group time. Here is
what I know of so far:

* [[empathy]]

* [[role-play]]s

* following Lucy Leu's workbook - (ISBN 1892005042)

* reeeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyy long check-in and beginning period, where much discussion, confusion, elaboration, negotiation and empathy takes place

* [[Mediation]] - Mediate between angry people, and have them all turn into giraffes. Or just have one of them turn into a giraffe. Or perhaps just everybody continues to stay angry.

* Translating NVC-speak into normal language, while still keeping an eye out for [[OFNR]]

* "intentional conversation", that is, a collective group "giraffe
dance" where people attempt to talk with each-other, while being
mindful of OFNR. In practice, this is often hard as fuck, but it can
potentially be very satisfying

* the NVC [[dance floor]] game exercise practice thing (I watch my inner
jackals come out and play as I type this)

* Singing/playing Marshall's songs. (See my previous reaction)

* NVC learned and skilled people lecturing others about various things
NVC-related

* collectively going through various worksheets that different NVC
trainers and organizations have made. (Much of these exist out there,
and if you have any that you have found to be particularly helpful for
you, I would appreciate it if you e-mailed me copies of them as file
attachments.)

* watching different NVC videos or listening to NVC audio recordings
together

* have each person write down a comprehensive inventory of all the
different thoughts and concerns racing through their minds at the
moment, and then write down the different feelings and needs
associated with each thought and concern. I've found this to be
particularly useful for dealing with overwhelm and anxiety.

* have NVC learned and skilled people give themself [[self-empathy]] out loud and in front of the group. This can have a kind of born-again speaking-in-tongues rapture-esque quality to it, but I believe that real learning can come from that as well.

* coaching people in NVC as they stumble their way through giving
another person empathy, or in using NVC in general

* questions and answers

Does anyone else here know of other potential NVC uses of NVC practice
group time, and would care to share them with me? I would much
appreciate hearing about these, 'cause I have an idea that such would
help me get more of an idea as to different things that *can* happen,
and I like the feeling that comes with that.

In liberation,

(I)An-ok
***************************************************

Judy wrote:

Love the list, (I)An-ok Ta Chai. It is going in my keepers file.
Are you also looking for particular exercises to add to the list?
Such as collecting slips with all the difficult things to hear from the
group participants and either redistributing them to pairs to work on
hearing or posting them for all to choose from and then working in pairs.
Judy Nonmik
***********************************************

Here's a similar -- or at least related -- one:

Collect slips of Things-hard-or-challenging to respond to that are real to
those participants.
Pick out one that you consider meaty.
Read it to the group, without revealing who wrote it.
Ask them each to write down VERY VERY what they consider a
life-serving/connecting/whatever response they might propose they themselves
might want to make in an attempt to simulate matters serving themselves and
the other person in response to those words and to hand them in without
their names one them.

Then ask the group to try to imagine THEY had spoke the original hard to hear
thing.
Then say "I'm going now to read to you some things the other person might
say to you in response to what YOU said in this imaginary situation. If you
feel that what I read makes you feel more connected to or more understanding
of or more sympathetic to the other person, or evokes any motivation in you
to trust you've been understood, raise your hand.

That way the group gets to see what sort of responses to hard to hear things
"work" and which don't.

Possibly the group can discuss which turned them off and why(how they
"heard" it) and which worked.
Alex Censor
***************************************************************

Another role play that I learned from Robert Gonzales is to pair up and do
non-empathy (giving advice, sympathy, analyzing, etc.) for 5 min. each with each
other, and then actually empathizing with each other for 10 min. each.
Participants in this exercise have told me it really raised their awareness of
how much time they spent doing non-empathy outside of practice group. They
could also feel how disconnected they felt when they did the non-empathy.
Margarita Mac
**************************************************************

The exercise: I call it "The day of needs" (or something like that)

The intention of this exercise is
1. to bring some fun and relaxed learning
2. to make people realize that the motivation of our actions is grounded in our needs. With everything we are doing we try to fulfill a need.

Let the group imagine, that you all represent ONE person, going through a day.

Every person says in turn one thing that she/he does in the day. You follow the time of the day.

Example:
I begin: "It is 6 am and I get up, going to the toilette and fulfilling my need for evacuation."

Next person: "Oh, then I enter the kitchen and am starting to make a coffee, because... for me itÂ´s a kind of ritual, starting the day with a coffee. So I fulfill my need for celebration and ritual."

Next person: " Now I go to the bathroom. I have an extensive shower, brush my teeth and do this kind of body care, because...well, I have a need for physical wellbeing?

and so on. Each person contributes an activity during the day.

You can do this game with small and large groups, with beginners and advanced.

Isabell Peters from cold and sunny North Germany
**************************************

1. Jackalaplooza
Practice responding to these situations:
- blame (especially when in agreement with some of the content)
- victim language
- jackal humor
- praise
- responding when triggered (giving self emergency empathy)

2. Don't Diss the Jackal
Observe and and translate. Practice screaming and BS in giraffe.
(Some young g's think giraffe has to be 'nice', this practice theme
encourages expressing full range of feeling.)

3. JackalJam: people collect jackal stuff from the culture (song
lyrics, ads, movie dialog) and bring it in. What is the need behind
these?

All of these deal with "jackal"- might be because young giraffes so
easily slide into 'jackal is bad/wrong'.

Will appreciate any comments and seeing others' contributions.
- Kathleen Conway

******************************************

OFNR Says
Taken from the children's game, Simon Says.

Participants stand at the end of a room and OFNR reads a sentence.
The participants decide if they think the sentence is a giraffe
communication; i.e. clear Observation, Feeling, Need or Request. If
they decide it is, they take one step forward. If not they stand
stationary. Then the discussion. If the consensus is "no, it isn't",
then anyone who has taken a step has to return to the beginning.
First person to reach OFNR celebrates.

I imagine starting simply and then increasing the complexity of the
sentences as the game progresses.

Feedback?

P.S.
I started with the desire to have more physical movement in
exercises. Then I wondered what childhood games had activity. Then
how to make it relevant to NVC. Hide and Seek Giraffes? Haven't
figured that one out yet. I would enjoy your creative contributions.
Jim Hussey
*************************************

Jim, I appreciate your contribution of OFNR Says (support) and want to
share my experience of using it last night in my Intermediate NVC class and also to
get further clarification from you. In regard to the sentence that OFNR
reads, do you instruct participants to make up one of their own? I
provided
"hard to hear" statements like, "You never listen to me" and
instructed the
group to either translate the statement into OFNR or not use the card and
make up their own OFNR from a personal situation. As we went along
with the
game we varied the stepping forward by taking one component at a time
- i.e.
OFNR reads the whole OFNR and then breaks it into four parts, again
reading
only the observation and the group either steps forward or "discusses" it,
then the feeling, etc. At the end of the agreed upon OFNR we all did a
"victory dance" to celebrate. My group was quite alive with the
discussion
part and wanted to contribute to figuring out needs that seemed "to fit"
and/or street language. Although this met needs for learning and
exploring,
it did not meet needs for movement, which some of us thought was a main
piece of the game. Any suggestions or further clarity of how you play it
differently?

SECONDLY: I have been meaning to offer my idea of "Putting it Together
Game" which has generated a lot of excitement and celebration in the
groups
I have offered it. It actually has two parts:

Part One (this game was created by Miki and Inbal Kashtan):
Materials are:
Six categories printed on 81/2 by 11 cards - 1 Observation, 2 Feeling, 3
Need, 4 Request, 5 Demand or Non-doable Request, 6 Judgment, Thought or
Evaluation. 60 cards with examples of ten each of the 6 categories
(one on each of the cards, i.e. 10 observation cards, 10 feeling cards, etc.).
Depending upon the number of players - I've had over 100- you can make
sets of the 60 cards. (Each set can be the same or can be different.)

The players get into groups of 4 or 5 people. Each group receives a set
of 60 cards. The Category cards are posted on the walls around the room.
The groups are instructed to have one person read a card and the group
as a whole decides which category fits the statement. The cards are placed in
six piles in the middle of the group and when the 60 cards have been read,
the individual cards get posted under the category card.
The group is instructed that if they are not in agreement about a particular
statement on one of the cards, after a couple of expressions of non-agreement, it is
requested that they put the card in a seventh pile entitled "Don't Know"
pile. Further clarity is that if they are struggling with it, the
understanding about it could probably benefit the group as a whole and we
will go over those cards first when all the groups have completed their
cards.
Note: 60 is an arbitrary number and can be minimized or expanded depending
upon your time frame.

Part Two: If you only have one trainer, you can do this in whole group or
divide up with a trainer in each group. You can also use a group of
volunteers to sit in the middle and have the remainder of the participants
watch as in a Fish Bowl.Take the OFNR cards from the group of 60 (or
you can
make up new ones) and put them in individual envelopes - first omitting 5
feelings and 5 needs. Give one envelope to four different people sitting
next to each other in a circle of all the folks who are playing. Person
holding Observation envelope picks a card at random and reads it out loud,
person holding Feeling envelope, picks a card randomly and reads out loud,
etc. After an OFNR has been read as a complete sentence (it seems to
take a
few practices to get a rythym going), the envelopes are passed one to the
left, so that there are always some people in the group who are not
reading.
After the fifth round, the feelings and needs are voiced impromptu by the
player holding the now empty envelope. And after the tenth round the
entire
OFNR is impromptu.

VARIATION: Prepare additional Observation cards, so you would start
with 20
O's, 5 F & N's & 10 R's. This can be quite hilarious, especially with the
requests when someone says something like "would you be willing to
stand up
and turn around 3 times right now? for the request. It provides a
structure
for play and less focus on "getting it right".
Blessings, Carol Chase, Santa Rosa, CA
*********************************************

Our weekly group does a brief check-in by each person present. Then, we determine whether anyone has anything (issue) to practice. If so, that person determines whether to practice him/herself with someone else or to have two other people practice the issue. Sometimes we then have two other people do the same issue. Each practice is done with the idea of using each of the four steps of NVC.

We have also begun to concentrate on specific topics for a given month. For the month of January we are doing exercises practicing observations. We have taken non-NVC descriptions/evaluations and go around the room translating them into NVC. It's interesting to see how many different ways such a non-NVC statement can be interpreted.

I hope this posting meets your needs for learning. It meets my needs for contribution.

Anna Bennett

----

[[Feelings and needs poker | Feelings & needs poker]]
----
* jackal translations - translating newspapers. Take along a pile of newspapers or magazines that are good sources of jackal phrases. Have people spend a few minutes cutting out bits (sentences, headlines..) they find interesting or challenging to translate in to giraffe. Then take it in turns to read out the sentence, and have the rest of the group try to translate in to giraffe.
* jackal translations - christmas edition. Get people to bring along DVDs/Videos that have particular scenes they think would really be fun for the group to translate.

----

Talk:Four part model

2006-02-25T18:22:36Z

Sophie:

The notes on max-neef would be better placed as "notes" on the "needs" page. We could then put references to maslow et. al.

Four part model

2006-02-25T18:21:02Z

Sophie:

The four part model of [[Nonviolent Communication]] involves an [[observation]], the [[feeling]] that is present, the [[need]] that has caused the feeling, and a clear [[request]]. (This is sometimes referred to collectively as OFNR.)

In NVC [[expression]] all four parts are used. When verbalizing [[empathy]], often only the first three or even just the feeling and need are spoken.

There is an out, in, out pattern to the model - the observation is something concrete and specific out in the world, the feeling and need help you go as deep as possible with what's alive in you and/or others, and the request is about manifesting as specifically as possible out in the world again.

----

(this could obviously use a lot of expanding)

For an alternate taxonomy of needs, see the following links to the work of the Chilean economist Manfred Max-Neef:
* [http://www.rainforestinfo.org.au/background/maxneef.htm general exposition]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manfred_Max-Neef wikipedia]